How to survive your child's addiction

What do you think about Darvocet pain killers being pulled from the market?

2010-11-20T16:03:00.000-08:00

Good-bye Darvocet

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What do you think about Darvocet painkillers being pulled from the U.S. MARKET?

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration announced Friday that it is pulling off the U.S. market the prescription painkillers Darvon and Darvocet because of new scientific evidence they can damage the heart, even at recommended doses, or cause fatal cardiac abnormalities.

Crack was my drug of choice. If I had an extra $10.00 in my pocket it was to be spent on crack and crack only. Darvocet however was something I would ingest whenever I found it in someone else’s medicine cabinet.

Yes, people really do scavenge through other people’s medicine cabinets. If you haven’t stored your prescription pills in an alternative place, you should because someone is going to rummage through your medicine cabinet!

I knew there was something wrong with this drug. Once I had taken a handful in someone’s bathroom and the next thing I knew I woke up with my head in a wall. Not because I had taken a handful at once but because something about Darvocet made my heart skip a beat. Literally! Yes my head was actually stuck in someone’s bathroom wall. Trying to explain that was almost next to impossible! The point is it most certainly affected me in the negative way that the FDA now claims that it can.

So my question is: Do you suffer from pain and are being prescribed Darvocet? And if so, do you think you have become addicted to them? What are you going to do now in light of the recent FDA decision? Switch to something else or are you ready to give up pain killers all together?

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Super Star

About me: I am Super Star (yes, that is my legal name). I have earned that name – and accomplished what many people would consider impossible – because I chose to stay sober one day at a time. I left the crack houses to mingle with Hollywood’s elite, ending up working with all of my childhood musical heroes, and have now found my purpose in life after surviving an almost 15-year battle with the disease of addiction.

Currently, I am an advocate for kids in recovery from substance abuse (and prevention as well) in Malibu, California, as well as from my home in Chicago, a sober companion to many, director of a non-profit that helps those struggling with recovery, and passionate speaker to kids about the issues of drugs and addiction.

I am also an author and musician. I am currently finishing my work on the book, “The First 30 Days to Serenity: The Essential Guide to Staying Sober,” which can be pre-ordered here. I have also just wrapped up the recording of Serenity, a first-of-its-kind CD created in conjunction with my twin brother Rock Star solely to combat addiction. “Serenity,” was produced by a Grammy-winning producer and features many of our musical heroes, who have come together to help us tell our story in an effort to help others through their own addiction struggles. Guests on our CD include current and former members of bands such as Kiss, Heart, The Goo Goo Dolls, Dokken, Trans-Siberian Orchestra as well as many more. It rocks – musically and inspirationally – and can be found here

Pass this on if you feel it can help someone and feel free to visit us at www.rockstarsuperstarproject.com

Killer in a can gets sentenced

2010-11-20T16:00:00.000-08:00

Killer in a can gets crunched... A few weeks ago I wrote a blog about the harmful effects of a drink called Four Loko. A deadly cocktail that many refer to as “Blackout in a can.” I reached out to Phusion Projects for some responsible answers as to why they would release and market such a potent cocktail to our nation’s youth. I of course was blatantly ignored.

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Today the U.S. Food and Drug Administration told the manufacturers of seven caffeinated alcoholic beverages like Phusion Projects that their drinks are a “public health concern” and can’t stay on the market in their current form.

I liked hearing this. In fact, I was up and pinned to the radio awaiting the FDA’s verdict this afternoon. As soon as I heard it I practically jumped up and down with excitement. Yes, I am that guy. I do care about the lives of others.

The move follows a year-long review by the FDA, which gave the companies 15 days to either reformulate their products or face possible seizure under federal law, said Dr. Joshua Sharfstein, the agency’s principal deputy commissioner. Experts have said the caffeine used in the beverages can mask the effects of alcohol, leaving drinkers unaware of how intoxicated they are. For me, lines of cocaine did the same thing. It completely obliterated my sense as to how much alcohol I had consumed. Caffeine, cocaine, same thing in my eyes. Mixing either of them with alcohol; I can’t ever recall not waking up a morning after one of these nights without some crazy consequence to have to deal with.

Phusion Projects has a right to do business and make a fortune but no right to put anyone’s life in jeopardy. I am happy the FDA made this swift move and curious to see what Phusion Projects will do next. They need to do more than take the caffeine, guarana, and taurine out their drinks. They need to step up and use this lesson as one that can serve as a lesson to us all. It would have to come from a much higher level of thought than they might be used to but if done right, it’s a thought that can lead them into a much more powerful position than the one they just were taken from.

Adults and teens will be watching to see if this company can become a responsible one or one that will continue to hurt others for the sake of profit. I know I’ll be watching!

-Super Star

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Pass this on if you feel it can help someone and feel free to visit us at www.rockstarsuperstarproject.com

Finding hope where I least expected it

2010-11-20T15:57:00.000-08:00

Circle II Circle and friends...

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Finding hope where I least expected it.

In my blogs, I often convey how hope and courage are necessary tools to combating substance abuse for both teens and adults. Because of my own personal struggles, this subject matter comes easy for me. It’s fun and just the thought of knowing that I still hold out hope for so many things makes it that much easier for me to stay enthusiastic about them. Hope burns deep within me and is what inspires me to continue.

Last night I went to see a heavy metal concert featuring a band called Circle II Circle. It wasn’t just me going to see a metal band though, it was much more than that. It was a chance for me to see an idol of mine in action. In my eyes, a legend. His name is Zak Stevens. If the name sounds familiar is because it should. He used to sing for a heavy metal band called Savatage, now known as the hugely successful Trans-Siberian Orchestra.

Zak is a classically trained vocalist. My twin brother and I Rock Star have followed him during the length of his career. He has never been one to put on a less than stellar performance. This is true for both his studio recordings and his live performances. When my brother and I set out to recruit vocalists for our Rockstar Superstar Project “Serenity” CD, Zak was on top of the list of the people we wanted at approach.

Circle II Circle also consists of members Zak Stevens – Vocals, Paul Michael Stewart – Bass, Andy Lee – Guitar and Johnny Osborn – Drums. They are currently touring in support of their new CD Consequences of Power. I don’t want this to be a concert review but rather some insight on an age old lesson, “Life is too short,” so I’ll stop and just say they blew everyone away in attendance with their remarkable set.

I don’t wake up living anymore to find my next hit of drugs. That alone was challenging. The day to day grind of answering to my addiction was excruciating and exhausting. My drugs were my boss and to them, I was just their employee, serving to them every minute, every day. What a waste. Life is too short to live for anything or anyone but yourself; I was reminded of this last night.

I believe the four guys that make up this heavy metal band also have this life is too short mentality. How many people in your life do you know that would give up so much, to do what they love? To give up the conforming that society expects from the majority and to go out and do as they please. Do you do what you enjoy or do you answer to everyone else? And if the latter, are you truly happy with the life that you have chosen or will you have regrets at the end of it all? I know I won’t and I imagine these four guys that played in front of me last night won’t either. They are warriors. Constantly in battle with the naysayers and those who tell them to “get a real job.” To me, the real job was discovering that what you do to survive never should really be a job. To have the courage to do what these four gentleman and many other artists do takes courage and demands all of our respect. Artists are leaders not followers.

Our story that surrounds our Serenity release is very similar to what I was able to witness last night. While watching Zak and the crew nail the live performances off their new disc Consequences of Power, I was able to see how hope and perseverance and the gull to live for yourself and not others, is more awe-inspiring than the alternative. This gives me continued hope and tells me that I myself am on the right path. I do believe this is why I was able to find my recovery from substance abuse, because I did it for me, not for you.

For an adult, I think success should be measured by continuing to meet your own milestones and expectations, not those handed to you from a boss or other professional peers. It should never be measured by how much money you have or by how many friends you have. What matters is “Are you happy?” when you fall asleep. So are you?

And for you teens, let this heavy metal matters session also be a lesson. Aspire to do what you want with your life. Don’t do what you think just for the sake of making others around you happy. Do what makes you smile from within. If you like sports, don’t play for dad, instead play for yourself. If you like rock music, crank it up to 11 and don’t ever allow anyone to tell you to turn it down. If you like art, aim for becoming the next Picasso, study, perfect your craft until you get to where your vision takes you. By doing this, you will find happiness and Serenity and a life full of treasures. I know I finally discovered mine.

I think my overdose from heroin was what led my brother and I to wake up and realize the importance of dream catching. When we were young, we had always dreamed of the day we would be doing what we are doing now. We just had to find the courage to try. No matter what path you choose, those that choose their own, like Zak and the rest of the guys in that band, will become legends – and that isn’t a bad thing!

Zak Stevens the Rock Star

Daring to dream to someday work with all your childhood heroes, going for it and making it happen? Priceless!!!

Then having your favorite Rock Star wear your own trademarked Rock Star T-Shirt on stage? BONUS!!!

Life is too short, go out and get everything your heart desires!

-Super Star

Help us help others realize their dreams, purchase your own Rock Star t-shirt TODAY

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Pass this on if you feel it can help someone and feel free to visit us at www.rockstarsuperstarproject.com

Tending to an addict can become a sober person’s addiction.

2010-11-20T15:52:00.000-08:00

Tending to an addict can become a sober person’s addiction.

My getting and staying clean didn’t just impact me and my brother. My train wrecked trail of total devastation affected everyone around me. Many of those closest to me had become trained by my actions. Always tending, babysitting and cleaning up my mess. But what happens to those people when someone like me finally decides to stop using drugs?

Often confusion.

When I stopped, I saw those closest to me scratching their heads wondering what to do with themselves next. It was apparent they had become so used to taking care of me that they had forgotten how to live for themselves. My constant drain on their free time caused them to lose their own identity somewhere along the way.

When an addict stops using, it’s common for his/her caretakers to have to look into their own mirror for the first time in years. They no longer have a scapegoat to point the finger at for things and this then forces them to look into their own mirror and in a new and sometimes not so glamorous light. I have seen this firsthand. Now that I am sober I can clearly see who has been willing to discover and deal with their own issues that they have ignored, and those whom have decided to hang on to their past and avoid them.

It’s important for everyone that plays any role in the disease of addiction to work on becoming healthy. Recovery doesn’t just apply to the one suffering from substance use disorder; it applies to everyone in that circle. Recovery is for everyone to enjoy!

Got a question for me? Enter your email on the right side of this page.

I am also an author and musician. I am currently finishing my work on the book, “The First 30 Days to Serenity: The Ultimate Survival Guide to Staying Sober,” which can be pre-ordered here. I have also just wrapped up the recording of Serenity, a first-of-its-kind CD created in conjunction with my twin brother Rock Star solely to combat addiction. “Serenity,” was produced by a Grammy-winning producer and features many of our musical heroes, who have come together to help us tell our story in an effort to help others through their own addiction struggles. Guests on our CD include current and former members of bands such as Kiss, Heart, The Goo Goo Dolls, Dokken, Trans-Siberian Orchestra as well as many more. It rocks – musically and inspirationally – and can be found here

Pass this on if you feel it can help someone and feel free to visit us at www.rockstarsuperstarproject.com

An open letter to my addiction

2010-11-20T15:35:00.001-08:00

An open letter to my addiction

I know my addiction wants me dead. That’s what my addiction whispers to me every day. “I want you dead Super Star. I want to put you so far under so I can have another glorious death under my belt. “

Hate’s a strong word but I can comfortably say that I HATE my addiction. I HATE IT!

I am supposed to be working on my book tonight but can’t. I just cannot seem to break free from my thoughts of disgust for my disease of addiction. Just the utter thought of knowing I have it makes me cringe. I know it wants me dead. It doesn’t want me to see life beyond it.

So I am writing it a letter. I have to let it know how I am feeling at this very moment.

Dear Addiction,

I know you hate me. I know you want me to fail at everything I have to offer in life. Fail at everything I try and do. Create havoc everywhere I go. To stop loving and to start hating everyone in my life. But I cannot let this relationship continue. You’re selfish and it’s been completely all about you from day 1.

You must understand my perspective. I love life. I enjoy happiness. I enjoy knowing who I am and have finally become comfortable in my own skin. To look in the mirror and see all my beauty is a gift. Why would you want to take this from me? I don’t think I’ll ever understand.

Truth be known I’ve been disappointed in you for quite some time. What started out as fun ended up becoming a nightmare. I believed you when you told me that you would take care of me. I didn’t believe anyone that told me otherwise. Now I know all of your promise of ecstasy was an outright lie.

You are a murderer. A whirlwind of doom that wants me dead. I can see this now. How could I have been so naive to think otherwise. UGH!

I know you will be stalking me. Watching every move I make for the rest of my life but I won’t be paying you any more attention. So beat it!

So this is our good-bye. I am sorry but it has to be this way.

I will not accept anymore of your advances or calls. You are pathetic and this whole relationship between us was a waste. It was all about you all the time. Well not anymore. It’s become about me now, my family, my friends. You are now a thing of my past.

-Super Star

P.S You were never good anyway

I recall while in rehab, the counselors would tell me to write about my addiction. They said it would help me deal with understanding why I had it in the first place and develop the strength to eventually overcome it. I fought this for a long time. I didn’t want to write. Well turns out the counselors were right. It has helped me tremendously and I promise you that it will help you also. Try it out!

As for my addiction, I’ll hear from it again but I will never respond. That’s my promise to myself. I have better things to do now with my life, like finish this book!

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Pass this on if you feel it can help someone and feel free to visit us at www.rockstarsuperstarproject.com

When love becomes your drug of choice

2010-11-08T14:54:00.000-08:00

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Relationships can be harmful to your health.

I have to admit, there was a time when I used others to make me feel better about myself. I was consumed with someone else’s happiness and this distracted me from my own life. This is called “codependency.” At the time I didn’t see how unhealthy it was but now I understand just how negative it was. To those watching from the outside, seeing someone so caught up in another’s life, looking for happiness where happiness doesn’t exist, is for lack of a better word, problematic. Do you know anyone like this?

That used to be me. I was that guy! I was extremely codependent! It wasn’t until I was faced with some very difficult challenges that I finally realized that happiness can only come from within. Thanks to these experiences I have been able to shed those truly unattractive behaviors and break free from codependency.

Wikipedia defines Codependency or codependence as a tendency to behave in overly passive or excessively caretaking ways that negatively impact one’s relationships and quality of life. It also often involves putting one’s needs at a lower priority than others while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others. ^[1] Codependency can occur in any type of relationship … with family, co-workers, friendships, and also in romantic, peer or community relationships.

I dislike the word codependence. It was a word I heard often while growing up. It never sounded like it was a good thing and I didn’t realize how damaging it was until I finally understood what it meant to be codependent. It’s just an ugly word.

My codependent behavior would rear its ugly head at the beginning of almost every relationship I have ever had. Very soon into the relationship I’d shower her with gifts and massages. I’d then skip work to just have 5 extra minutes with her during lunch break, oh and while at lunch, I’d spend my last $10.00 treating her even though I hadn’t eaten all day. After 3 days into our dating I’d already consider her my other half and smother her with text messages, hundreds of them, all sent while I was driving, putting other lives in complete danger, all because I couldn’t wait a few extra minutes to see what her reply would be. I couldn’t sleep. I wouldn’t work. I’d just be too busy waiting for that next email. Ack! My skin crawls when I think I used to be this way.

This was all normal to me though. I was unhappy with myself and I thought if I made someone else happy then I’d be happy. That’s codependence at its simplest definition. The act of believing you are making yourself happy while making it appear you only care about making those around you happy. Make sense? Took me a while to grasp it but when I did, I didn’t want anything more to do with it. It’s just completely backwards.

In a way this behavior is like the behavior of an addict abusing drugs. I used drugs to mask my feelings. I used them to escape my world and enter into another one. That’s the exact same reason why people engage in codependent behaviors. Codependent people are in hiding. They would rather find comfort in running to “rescue” someone else than face themselves in the mirror. The problem with this is everything. It’s a destructive way to live. Imagine having to start a new relationship every few years because the one that you had spent so much toxic time in ended. Imagine never finding true love because you never took the time to find yourself. Yuck, I’ve been there and I don’t want to ever go back.

Finding sobriety was my turning point. This is what allowed me to see my life without the “gooey goo gaga girlfriend goggles”. Sobriety is where I finally understood how loving myself first, depending on no one else for my happiness, was what was healthy and true.

I sure am one of the happiest now because I’ve learned to put myself first! Hope this helps someone somewhere!

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Pass this on if you feel it can help someone and feel free to visit us at www.rockstarsuperstarproject.com

How do kids today view themselves?

2010-11-08T14:52:00.000-08:00

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This week I had the pleasure of Skyping with a high school health class on the East Coast. As usual, the kids were extraordinary and asked some amazing questions! I am always surprised with how much thought kids put into the questions they ask. It makes me wonder where they are coming from with their questions. Do they want to know more about my story and message? Are they curious because they might have a concern with themselves or someone they know? Or, are they just completing a homework assignment?

There are always a wide range of questions from “Why did you start doing drugs?” to “What made you stop using drugs?” to “Why did you and your brother change your names?” These are all good questions. I appreciate that today in my life I don’t shy away from questions but answer them with complete honesty. This is so much better than when I was in active addiction and I avoided these types of questions.

This week, one question stuck out in my mind that I haven’t been able to shake so I decided to blog about it!

One of the students asked “Were you popular in school?”

I replied, “Nope neither my brother nor I were popular in high school.”

And then I got to thinking as I looked at the students on the computer screen. I wonder how they see themselves? Is popularity important to them? Do they sell out to fit in? Do they have a lower self-image because they don’t believe they are somebody? Do they think that being in the ‘in-crowd’ means that they ARE somebody … that they are only important if they are seen as popular?”

Wow! This reminds me of my own teenage years and how I believed some of those things. How I didn’t feel that I was good enough back then and the price it cost me. Now I see a whole different picture!

The definition on www.dictionary.com of Popular – regarded with favor, approval, or affection by people in general. Do we really want to send the message to kids that they need to seek approval or affection by others? In a way this is similar to someone using drugs to feel better. If someone finds value in being popular then they might just not feel good enough about themselves … always feeling they have to strive to be the best, to excel to be somebody — then comes the insertion of having to mask those feelings with drugs.

I’ve learned that acceptance starts with me ….

Often popular kids use their popularity to intimidate. That’s why I believe popularity is also a form of bullying. I know I felt this growing up. Just the energy that those popular kids had was enough for me to feel less than adequate and at times shameful to even be me.

I think it’s great when kids can be themselves even if others might perceive them as “different.” This is what builds character and strengthens a person’s ability to succeed in the world. Being popular doesn’t offer this. Also, what almost all kids don’t understand is that the popularity contest at school ends the moment you are handed your diploma. Once that piece of paper is in your hands, the phone calls from those you thought were your “friends” stop. It happens to everyone.

My advice? Stop worrying about what others think of you. Love yourself first. This will put you in a position to have things that you cannot even comprehend at the moment. A life full of love, happiness, success, and rewards are right around the corner for you.

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Pass this on if you feel it can help someone and feel free to visit us at www.rockstarsuperstarproject.com

Four Loko is killing our kids!

2010-11-08T14:51:00.001-08:00

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Newsflash: Four Loko (Phusion Projects) doesn’t care about you!

Did you know that drinking a whole can of Four Loko is the equivalent of having almost 5 shots or 5 beers? Yup, Four Loko’s contain 12 percent of alcohol in each can, equal to four beers. That’s pretty steep.

What does this all mean? It means that this drink can potentially kill you!

To a lot of people that like to drink, this may sound like music to ones ears, but for others, it may mean a trip to the ER and the possibility of death.

I am appalled by Four Loko’s parent company, Phusion Projects. Their blatant disregard is obvious, it stems from nothing more than greed. They are preying upon people, especially teens, who want a buzz strong enough to knock them out cold. Literally! I wonder if Phusion Projects ever stops to think about the underlying reasons why so many kids are reaching for their beverage.

I have proof of my own that Phusion Projects doesn’t care about its consumers. I have spent all week trying to get a hold of someone that might want to help me shed some light as to why this company feels it’s ok to feed this rubbish to our kids, and all my phone calls and emails have been ignored. You would think that a company like this would go above and beyond trying to promote responsibility on things other than its website. Which by the way, is only there to entice the reader into purchasing its supposedly sweet concoction of alcohol, sugar and caffeine. I wasn’t at all fooled by their attempt to cover up their true marketing initiative by some lame graphics and trivial questions so neither should you. This drink needs to be banned!

Caffeine only adds to the false impression of invincibility that alcohol creates and I have no doubt it’s been leading to some very unfortunate circumstances for the younger demographic that its marketing itself to.

“My friend drank two cans and I drank one and a half,” one student tells The Hurricane. “That half was the difference between life and death.”

Life and death! Do you hear that kids? This is serious. Don’t drink it!

It’s been referred to as a “blackout in a can” and for some kids the results are far worse.

Four Loko masks the taste of alcohol with heavy amounts of sweets and carbonation. This to me is proof that the intent is to entice the younger age bracket. After all, what kid doesn’t like a glass of Hi-C, which this has often been referred to. And what adult do you know that would reach for a glass of Hi-C when out amongst friends? None! That’s my point!

And what’s with all the caffeine? Here’s what! The caffeine may make you feel like you’re not getting drunk as quickly, so you will undoubtedly ingest more of their beverage, that is until you’ve way overdone it and 911 has been called. With a promise of such a kick, what inexperienced, youthful teenager trying to impress friends or drinking as a means to escape wouldn’t want to slam one of these back?

So since I couldn’t get a hold of anyone at Phusion Projects to respond to my calls, my message to them is: Hey Phusion Projects! Want to really reach out, get your side of the story out there? Then return my calls and countless emails, I’m waiting.

But I won’t hold my breath.

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Pass this on if you feel it can help someone and feel free to visit us at www.rockstarsuperstarproject.com

How do you know if you are an addict?

2010-11-08T14:48:00.000-08:00

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How do you know if you are an addict?

This isn’t a question for me! I already know I am. Although as I mentioned in a previous blog, I prefer as having a substance use disorder.

I do recall the moment I first asked myself this question. It’s a question that all of us addicts have to ask eventually and one that we have to answer truthfully in order to start addressing our addiction and work towards our recovery. For me, my own answer to this question came easily, but for some; years of denial can get in the way of the honest answer that we know must come in order to begin healing.

So how do you know if you suffer from substance use disorder?

Generally, people that are not addicts do not have to even ask themselves this question. If they do, they are able to stop, take a look at their behavior, and correct it. Addicts generally cannot do this. We try and try and try again, but each time fail miserably. This is the difference between an addict and someone who isn’t. So if you are trying to stop your drinking and/or drug use, and are failing over and over again to do so, you’re already in addiction.

Here is how I finally figured out.

Every time I’d try to stop, I couldn’t.

I just couldn’t. I didn’t know how. I didn’t have the tools, or even the confidence to stop. Every time I tried, I’d be back at it a few hours later. It didn’t matter if there were consequences or not, I just couldn’t stay away from my drug of choice no matter how hard I tried.

I’d try and try again, only to have myself tell me over and over again that I could always stop tomorrow if I wanted to. That I just needed to do it “One more time.”

That is addiction!!

I hated discovering I was an addict, but later I would learn that understanding my addiction would lead me to discover myself and see that the person I was running from all those years wasn’t such a bad guy after all.

Below is a good test, I invite you to try it. If you answer “YES” to THREE or MORE, then you may be very close to developing a drug or alcohol problem.

1. Have you ever decided to stop drinking or drugging for a week or even a few days, but only to break your promise to yourself or your family?

2. Do you wish people would mind their own business about your drinking and drugging?

3. Have you ever switched from one kind of drink or drug to another thinking that this would help you get “in control of your life”?

4. Do you ever drink or drug in the morning?

5. Do you envy people who can use alcohol or drugs without getting in trouble?

6. Have you had problems connected with drinking or drugging during the past few months?
7. Has your drinking or drugging caused trouble in your family or at home?

8. Do you ever try to get “extra” drinks or drugs at a party because you do not get enough?

9. Do you tell yourself you can stop using alcohol or drugs any time you want, even though you keep getting high when you do not want to?

10. Have you missed days of work or school because of your using alcohol or drugs?

11. Do you have “blackouts”, where you cannot remember when you’re drunk or high?

12. Have you ever felt that your life would be better if you did not use alcohol or drugs?

Answering questions like this is the first step in getting help and stopping the insanity of addiction. Don’t put off or avoid them anymore.

If you have gotten to the bottom of this blog and have now answered yes to the question “Am I an addict?” , then ask for help TODAY. This will be the beginning of the road that will lead you to your true identity and I promise you, it’s going to be a person that you love more than you ever imagined you would.

Got a question for me? Enter your email on the right side of this page.

Pass this on if you feel it can help someone and feel free to visit us at www.rockstarsuperstarproject.com

Will you ever accept my apology?

2010-10-24T10:04:00.001-07:00

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Will you ever accept my apology?

Today, the Rockstar Superstar Project went to a school arts show in Illinois and handed out substance abuse literature. We did this in an attempt to convince as many parents as we could that the conversation of drugs needs to happen at home, and happen frequently. I think overall, we handed out over 200 pamphlets and talked with well over 30 different sets of parents.

This week was an important week for us. Not only because of this event, but also due to the fact that “Serenity,” our physical CD, one that we have aspired to create and release for well over two years, had finally arrived in my hands.

Next week will prove to be an even more exciting week. We will be skyping to three different health classes to talk to kids about the importance of sobriety and self-worth and another article will soon be coming out conveying our story. But for all this beauty that I have found, one important “I accept your apology,” has eluded me.

My long battle with addiction left nothing but disaster, overdoses and heartbreak in my wake. My whirlwind of doom reached far and beyond anything that I could see. I hurt a lot of people. A lot! Some of them have accepted my amends and some have not. The ones that have not, well, I have to accept their decision, despite the hurt and the wish they would. It’s doing this that I, as well as other addicts sometimes have trouble with.

Do you have a person in your world that you had always dreamt of the day would someday accept your apology for something and despite your best efforts to make amends, still hasn’t? That your vision was to show that person your recovery was for real and not just some fly by night manipulative way back in to their good graces? Hurts when they aren’t ready to move beyond their pain doesn’t it?

It’s a tough thing to accept not having control over something to fix what you believe is fixable. To call a friendship a total loss right now when it doesn’t have to be. You have to realize that some things truly are out of your control and that some of those things that you wish could be healed, may take longer than you thought they would. But you cannot use this as an excuse to get you down or even worse, go back out over. You have to find the strength within yourself to stay on your path and to keep doing the right thing. The pain hurts, it’s heartbreaking, but what other option do we have but to move forward? And how do we know your apology won’t be accepted tomorrow?

There is always hope…

One of the most interesting things about the road of recovery is not knowing what lies around the next turn. What is always further down the road is not what you are able to see in front of you now. Those amends may or may not always elude you but one thing is for certain, as long as you are sober, you will never elude yourself from the possibility of that amend. So stay sober, everything that is meant to be, will be and remember, whatever is eluding you today may not be what eludes you tomorrow.

Always love, always encourage, and never let despair get in the way.

Pass this on if you feel it can help someone and feel free to visit us at www.rockstarsuperstarproject.com

Kids and chewing tobacco. Could it be a dangerous precursor to drug use?

2010-10-22T17:20:00.001-07:00

Be sure to visit our other Teenage Drug Abuse Articles below!

Kids and chewing tobacco. Could it be a dangerous precursor to drug use?

Just like smoking cigarettes, chewing smokeless tobacco can eventually rip apart your body and kill you. It is that simple. Chewing tobacco causes cancer and the last time I checked, cancer was a killer.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 20% of high school boys and 2% of high school girls use smokeless tobacco. Of the 12 to 14 million American users, one third are under age 21, and more than half of those developed the habit before they were 13.

Now the question is, could chewing tobacco ever be a stepping-stone to harder drugs? The answer is YES. If you think I am wrong, then read on.

Peer influence is just one of the reasons for starting the habit but other reasons could and do exist. My proof is myself. As we all know, I suffer from substance use disorder. My addictive behavior almost killed me – that was until I learned how to kill it, or at least keep it in check. Once I learned how to deal in the real world without having to run to something else to use as a coping mechanism I was set free from its bond but make no mistake, I too was allured by chewing tobacco. Disgusting isn’t? This beautiful mouth full of that nasty brown tobacco juice. I cringe thinking that I used to do it.

Its started many many years ago before the drugs and was a way for me to catch a buzz without getting easily caught. It was easy to hide from my mother who wasn’t often home anyway. The fact that my own twin brother didn’t know about it (until he reads this) just astounds me to this day. Quickly, I graduated from brands that delivered less nicotine to the stronger ones. Why? Because I needed a stronger buzz! With each use, I needed a little more of the drug to get the same feeling. Sound familiar?

The feeling wasn’t a good one either. More nauseousness than anything else but I didn’t care because as long as I was worrying about not having to throw up after each dose I wasn’t having to deal with my other issues I had going on at the moment. Sad way to live and thank god it did not turn into a bad habit – BUT, it did lead me to another one. Once that buzz wasn’t enough, I went searching for a new one.

The point is I did it to escape. Some kids in school (and beyond) do it because it makes them look cool or because Dad does it. (Shame on you Dad!). But no matter what the case is, it can kill you and I am living proof it can be a precursor to other drugs. So if you see your kids chewing tobacco, get them help, and not just to stop either. Remember, this may be a first red flag for you to investigate what else might be going on in their lives.

Pass this on if you feel it can help someone and feel free to visit us at www.rockstarsuperstarproject.com

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Who are drug addicts hurting? (The story of Doro and Zena)

2010-10-20T15:39:00.001-07:00

Be sure to visit our other Teenage Drug Abuse Articles below! Also, want updates? Enter your email on the left side of this page.

Who are drug addicts hurting? (The story of Doro and Zena)

Drug abuse blogs often speak of how drug addicts are hurting themselves. How drug addicts are playing Russian roulette with every “hit” and of the consequences surrounding their use. But this time I want to talk about the whirlwind of devastation that drug abuse can have upon others and how it’s not always obvious just how far the whirlwind of doom reaches. Let’s use my story as an example.

My girlfriend and I have two dogs named Zena and Doro. They were an inseparable pair and together 24/7 since the day they met. Best friends would be an understatement regarding their relationship to one another. There was a bond between them that was like none I have ever seen. That was until I let my drug use separate them.

I few years ago I was on the tail end of my 15 year addiction to crack cocaine. What I didn’t know however was that I was just 2 years from hitting full blown recovery. But not yet, I didn’t want it bad enough. Like many addicts, I wasn’t quite ready to give up my drug of choice for anything or anyone, and I would soon find, not even for my dog. But I was ready to give this thing called “sobriety” a try, or 2, or 20 tries until I would someday get it right. So in an effort to get some much needed help outside of my home, I moved to California where my twin brother Rock Star and his then girlfriend would be able to send me to rehab.

I packed up my things and high-tailed it out to the west coast thinking that the geographical change and the support from my brother would be the answer I was looking for. I would soon find that it wasn’t. Alongside me, my dog Doro would come with. I just couldn’t be without her. She had to help me through this.

Moving to California would eventually spark a career in music, speaking, and writing for me but before all my dreams were to blossom, I had to get clean. Soon after arriving in Malibu, California with Doro in tow, I would soon throw out the idea of staying clean. The drugs were even easier for me to get than back home and cheaper too. I quickly wound up in and out of LA’s dirtiest crack houses and started to my zombie like hunt for more drugs. There was no stopping me.

That’s when I started neglecting the basic necessities that Doro needed. Water was the only thing I was often able to provide for her. The money I did have to feed her went towards feeding my habit instead. I don’t know why I wanted her to go with me. I couldn’t even take care of myself. I was at a point where I was so taken by my disease that I wouldn’t even take the time to walk her outside to go to the bathroom. At this point I started to allow my dealers to do her walking, completely jeopardizing her life all in order for me to “stay high.” I was sick and because of my behavior, my dog also started to become ill.

To make a long story short, after 20 or 30 relapses and a stint in rehab, I had enough of the drugs. I was going to get clean and stay that way. Of course getting and staying sober should be first and foremost for oneself, but I never stopped thinking about what I had done to my dog Doro. How I had deserted her and how I selfishly took her from her best friend Zena. I had to stay clean this time, I had to reunite them.

Approximately for two years, I worked and worked at my recovery, never wavering from doing what I know I had to do. Doro never gave up on me, and I was not going to give up on reuniting her with her best friend Zena.

One of the gifts of sobriety is to become strong enough to make things right. My sobriety has been earned, moment to moment, and perhaps has been my greatest adventure. Doro and I moved back to Chicago and I made things right. She is here with me, and has just been fed, laying next to me, and is waiting to go to the park a little later to run in the fields with her best friend Zena. No longer does she have to wonder if I would be coming home to feed or walk her. She’s happy now and so am I. But if you are an addict and you are reading this, please consider those suffering around you. Some of them do not have a voice, their pain cannot often be seen, but they do feel something and it hurts them. Its time to get sober and stop the hurting, for everyone involved.

Here is a video of Doro and Zena, I hope it moves you just as it had moved me making it for you.

I am also a musician who has just wrapped up the recording of Serenity, a first-of-its-kind CD created in conjunction with my twin brother Rock Star solely to combat addiction. It was produced by a Grammy-winning producer and features many of our musical heroes, who have come together to help us tell our story in an effort to help others through their own addiction struggles. Guests on our CD include current and former members of bands such as Kiss, Heart, The Goo Goo Dolls, Dokken, Trans-Siberian Orchestra as well as many more. It rocks – musically and inspirationally – and can be found here

Pass this on if you feel it can help someone and feel free to visit us at www.rockstarsuperstarproject.com

Lack of self-esteem plays a big role in teen drug abuse

2010-10-17T16:07:00.000-07:00

Be sure to visit our other Teenage Drug Abuse Articles below! Also, want updates? Enter your email on the right side of this page.

Building self-esteem starts at home.

Based on SAMHSA's 2007 National Survey on Drug Use & Health, 7.8% (19.3 million) persons aged 12 or older needed treatment for their alcohol problem in the past year. Do you know that for many of those that needed help, the reason for their drinking started due to their lack of self-esteem? That’s right. Teenagers who lack self-confidence are 70% more likely to abuse drugs vs. teenagers who are happy with how they feel about themselves.

As parents, you can do many things to enhance your children’s self-image. Here are 5 pointers that I know would have helped me growing up:

1. Offer praise for any job well done. This can go a long way. Despite how it may seem, kids are always trying to impress their parents and for them to know they did, goes a long way!

2. If you need to criticize your child, talk about the action, not the person. If your daughter gets a math equation wrong, it’s better to say, “I think you added wrong. Let’s try again.” - Than to say something that may sound demeaning to them.

3. Assign do-able chores. A 6-year-old for instance can bring her plate over to the sink after dinner. A 13-year-old can have a much larger responsibility such as feeding and walking the dog after school. Performing such duties and praising your child if done correctly makes them feel better about themselves because they did the jobs themselves.

4. Spend one-on-one time with your teenager. Setting aside at least 15 uninterrupted minutes per child per day to talk, play a game, or take a walk together, let’s your teen know you care. 15 minutes a day can keep the drugs away!

5. Say, “I love you.” Nothing will make your child feel better than these 3 words!

Information and lessons like this concerning drugs are important to repeat and revisit frequently with your teenager. I am not a parent but I was the child who would eventually turn to drugs due to lack of self-esteem. So please let my lesson be yours.

Don’t forget about our book, The First 30 Days to Serenity: The Ultimate Survival Guide to Staying Sober and “Serenity” CD by Rock Star and Super Star. They both come with accolades from drug counselors and experts in the field of addiction. Both are recommended tools in fighting teenage and adult drug abuse. Order our very special Recovery Pack HERE

Pass this on if you feel it can help someone and feel free to visit us at www.rockstarsuperstarproject.com

Teenager addicted to Heroin? “Sorry, we don’t cover that.”

2010-10-13T15:43:00.000-07:00

Be sure to visit our other Teen Drug Abuse Articles below!

Teenager addicted to Heroin? “Sorry, we don’t cover that.”

I just came from a rehab faculty where I dropped off a Teenager who was addicted to heroin. On the way there, the teenagers parents wanted to know how much their teenage son was to be covered during his stay in treatment. So on their behalf, I took the initiative and made a series of calls to the teenagers insurance provider. I figured it’s the least I can do for them as they clearly have been through a lot lately with this kid.

The parents, having always been under the assumption that they had “premier” coverage, thought that this 30 day visit would be, for the most part, covered. After all, their monthly statement touts coverage of up to 75% for addiction treatment issues!

But they weren’t.

“Just what is it the boy is addicted to?” asks the operator? “Heroin,” I exclaimed.

Then the silence.

….

……

…….

“Oh, I am sorry sir, we only cover alcohol addiction”.

It should be obvious to all of us why this is so wrong on every level. Alcohol covered but not drugs? Wait, isn’t alcohol a drug?

I’m not here to talk about why this is wrong, just here to help you know that this issue exists. Read the details of your coverage Mom’s and Dad’s. Teenage drug abuse is on the rise so talk to you kids about the dangers of drugs at home, and often, so you can avoid having to go through with what these poor parents are now having to deal with.

Thank you for reading my Teenage Drug Abuse blog!

-Super Star

Please visit us at www.rockstarsuperstarproject.com and if you feel this can help someone you know, please pass it on!

Tagged as: Teen Drug Abuse, teen substance abuse, Teenage drug abuse

I am having a craving for drugs, what do I do?

2010-10-11T21:17:00.000-07:00

I am having a craving for drugs, what do I do?

Its often I have cravings for drugs and/or alcohol. Heck, even with all this time sober, my disease still haunts me. It’s waiting for the moment that I turn to it and ask it for help again like I used to before I learned how to help myself. Help to take away my pain, my sorrow. The mornings dread that I face at the beginning of each new day while taking a shower. It would be so easy for me to succumb to its relentless pleading. But I can’t. In fact, it’s not even an option for me anymore. Drugs and alcohol are just no longer an option because I know what they want, my soul; and as long as I am alive, I am not going to give it to them.

Life is hard. My parents used to tell me that all the time but they never mentioned if there was anything beyond that. Well there is and it’s called having to stay sober when you finally decide that you want to. Having to fight the cravings that we drug addicts face is like no other. Those brutally hard moments that I cannot compare to anything. They are like a weight on my thoughts, but heavier. Or like a push in the wrong direction from a force that is invisible but with a clear and shadowy evil grin. Cravings are brutal alright, that’s why many of us fail to survive them. But there is a way to get past them and it took me 15 years to figure many of those ways out. In fact I am having a craving right at this very moment but I know in the next, I would have already forgotten that I was having it.

There are a ton of tools that we can use to fend off the advances of our disease. A lot of them can be found in our forthcoming book: The First 30 Days to Serenity: The Ultimate Survival Guide to Staying Sober. I mention the book not as a selfish plug but for you to consider if you are still struggling with the disease of addiction or if you are the friend or family member trying to help someone like me. Someone who is always having to fight to stay free from its grip. The tools are my necessity for survival and they are all out there for you to have for your toolbox as well.

Remember that craving I was just having? It’s gone. Why? Because I just told someone. I told you. That’s all I had to do. In the time it took me to write those last two paragraphs (about 10 minutes), I have killed off the craving simply by sharing my desire for drugs with someone. Sounds easy but in reality, its hard for some. Especially for the newcomer. Opening yourself up enough to show someone you’re vulnerable and human is something that eludes most people but you cannot let this elude you. Here are 3 reasons why telling on yourself works.

1. Telling someone makes it harder to go out and get your fix. If you’re having a craving, tell someone. Depending on the situation, all eyes might now be on you now. We can’t depend on others to baby-sit us but if you are in that type of situation early in recovery, you sure better take the babysitter! If I wanted to go out and buy some dope right now I couldn’t because whomever I just told would think I am leaving to go score it. Telling someone who now knows that I want it makes it that much harder to go out and get it. Time and time again it’s been enough for me to buckle down and stay safe inside.

2. Telling someone immediately holds you accountable. I’ve told the world that I have a substance use disorder. Now guess what would happen if I screw up? Exactly! All that I have built comes tumbling down. I don’t suggest you start telling everyone that you know though. In fact, I would pick and choose wisely with whom you share your secrets with. Most people are not as they appear, love to pass along the newfound drama and professionally, it can hurt you. However, telling people who are close to you and you trust, might just make you choose sobriety over having to utter the words “I’m sorry,” after yet another relapse, ever again. Having to say I am sorry sucks and gets worse every freaking time.

3. Telling someone kills time. Did you know that most cravings leave in a matter of 5 minutes or less? Yup, they sure do. In fact, the tick-tock of the clock is our biggest asset. In the time that you took to muster up the courage to tell someone that you are experiencing a craving, that very craving will most likely be gone. It’ll be back though, and next time you might need another tool to pull from your toolbox.

There are plenty more reasons’ why telling someone close to you that you are having cravings helps take you beyond them but these are the three that came the quickest to me today. They might be obvious to some but to us others who are caught up in that moment of our disease, they are not. Learning to tell someone of your craving as its happening takes practice and courage. It’s extremely hard but it has gotten easier for me with time and it will for you also.

Thank you for reading my Teenage Drug Abuse blog!

-Super Star

Please visit us at www.rockstarsuperstarproject.com and if you feel this can help someone you know, please pass it on!

Teenage Drug abuse - Once an addict, always an addict?

2010-10-03T09:56:00.000-07:00

Once an addict, always an addict?

I prefer to be identified as having a “Substance Use Disorder ,” but to each their own I suppose!

I saw someone posted this on my Facebook account yesterday.

Well I am SO NOT perfect but I understand and if I could help someone– maybe they could help me. Trust me dude– once an addict– ALWAYS an addict. And we in our souls KNOW we are not perfect no matter HOW good any one else thinks we are doing…

This last sentence was brutally honest and important.

Sometimes we addicts in recovery are in fact doing quite well and we have found our way to peace. However, sometimes we have not. If we have not yet found that peace that has been long so elusive to us, we must not despair. It will come!

If you are reading this and are the loved one of an addict, just so you know, it would pain us to have you think otherwise of us in the meantime. After all, we are tired of being known as “the addict.” Having you think we might be slipping in any areas of our recovery means us having to be identified by those words even longer. Yuck! You see, we hate disappointing the ones we love often more than we hate disappointing ourselves. “Once an addict always an addict,” is only half the truth. Yes we are addicts, but this should not define us entirely. What about handsome or charming? Did you forget about those words? At the very least, most of us prefer to be seen as an “addict in recovery.” Or as having a “Substance Use Disorder,” Just so you know! And although most of us know that in order for our recovery to last, it must be for ourselves first foremost; we often try and try again as a means to not let those who love us, down again and again. Eventually we learn that the key to having recovery for ourselves is to make that recovery for ourselves only.

Let’s expand just a little deeper on what it’s like to be an addict. Most of us addicts have very similar traits you know. A lot of us are of the sensitive type. We wear our hearts on our sleeves. How many times have you heard someone else talk about someone that they know who is abusing drugs? Often the conversation is about how truly wonderful they are as a person while not using. Also, and unbelievably to some, a lot of us hold above average IQ’s. Yup, those metrics have been gathered long ago and have been proven time and time again. We also have a tendency to be extremely creative. We have no problems tapping in to our creative sense and often times; others see our work as brilliant. Case in point, look back at all the music and traditional artists, actors, etc, that have been known to struggle with the disease of addiction. Their works have often been the most memorable.

BUT………

As noted in the Facebook comment above, most of us are indeed always struggling. Doing well at times yes, but fighting our “stinking thinking’” – almost always. Recovery is a constant battle. Until we are able to find peace, we are always in the midst of trying to hold onto it. If it’s not struggling with drugs, it’s struggling with our eating habits. If it is not our eating habits, it’s struggling with our OCD. If it’s not our OCD than it’s our lying. If it not our lying, it is our hoarding, and so on and so on. But you know what’s great about this entire struggle? What’s great about it is that we are working at it. Becoming stronger. We are ever evolving and always maturing. The great thing about being an addict in recovery is that we know this and have become strong enough to continue improving ourselves, shedding the undesired behaviors, and becoming some of the most truly remarkable people in our communities. So if you are an addict in recovery, be proud, you’re beautiful and remarkable! Carry the torch and when you’re ready, strong enough, and when you finally “get it’” please pass it on to someone behind you! That’s more than what most of the world’s population is ever willing to do.

So “Once an addict, always an addict? I prefer to be identified as having a
“Substance Use Disorder,” but to each their own I suppose!

-Super Star

www.superstarsuperstar.com

Like the last blog, consider reading the next one...

Teenage Drug Abuse, how to tell when someone is using.

2010-09-29T07:09:00.000-07:00

Teenage Drug Abuse or Adult Drug Use, how to tell when someone is using.

Ok, so here’s the deal. I get emails all the time, from parents, kids, friends of friends, heck, I think I even got one once from a chimpanzee; it was probably just my brother Rock Star though. Tough to tell. Anyway, many of them seem to ask the same question: How will I know if someone might be abusing drugs and or alcohol?

Hers the ugly truth! You can’t always tell right away (that is unless you can convince them to pee in a cup.) But you could always ask! However if you do, expect to hear what you want to hear most of the time. The honest truth is, we lie the majority of the time when confronted with this dreaded question. Remember, we are manipulative and deceiving when using. Anything you want to hear we will tell you. Trust me; we addicts have that figured out, especially when our use is threatened. The answer is No, No No!

So here are Super Star’s top 5 signs that someone you love may be abusing drugs. They might be a little more authentic than your used to, but I hope this helps you help them, if they want your help that is, food for thought for the next blog..…..By the way, they are in no particular order.

1. Mood swings. If I had a dollar for every time I was right about someone abusing drugs using this old mood swing theory as an indicator, well then I’d have a lot of money!

2. Money. Don’t you find it odd that when someone comes to you and asks for another $20 for gas week after week when you know that there is no way they have put that many miles on their car?? Or how about another $20 this week to buy some food, again? Or what about the $3.00 missing from the counter this morning? You know I saw it there! Or the $10 that you just know you had in your wallet but now mysteriously is missing? Again… Take off the blinders; ask the difficult questions now, missing money means big trouble.

3. Evidence. The reality is, drug abuse is ugly, and so is the evidence. Recently I had a mother email me about the small fragments of glass she found on the floor of her son’s room. After taking them to the police station, they were in fact found to be broken pieces from a crack pipe. This may be a little dramatic, but I bet its happening in someone else’s house as your reading this. Evidence of drug abuse can be anywhere and anything. Those needles from Walgreens that you were just told are for your daughter’s best friend’s diabetic condition are probably not. The obvious excessive amount of Old Milwaukee beer in the garage? How about finding lighters scattered in all corners of your house or in your son or daughters car? These are not your typical text book examples because these are the real life ones. Look for things out of the ordinary, they are there. No addict is perfect, we can’t hide everything.

4. Disappearing acts. Late night departures to go fill up the gas tank? To go get an ice cream bar, night after night? Maybe. Or how about while you’re out to eat, ever think your date might be getting up to go to the bathroom just a little too often? Perhaps. Pay attention, are they acting differently when they return? I’ve done a lot of cocaine in those restaurant bathrooms and the truth is, I wasn’t the only one. Might also want to try staying in plain sight of that bar if you suspect someone you’re with has a problem. And finally, phone off? Again? I used to turn my phone off a lot while getting high, just a thought. If your gut is telling you something, it’s for a reason. Don’t be naive.

5. Motivation. Always remember, the most important thing to any of us addicts is our drug use. We love the drug, at times, more than you. That’s more than you Mom, more than you Dad, Sister, Brother, Uncle, Boyfriend, Girlfriend, whoever, it’s just the way that we become. Because of this, our own responsibilities are ignored, personal goals are obsolete, and interest is gone in any other activities that don't revolve around us getting our fix. These things are no longer significant to us, they are forgotten and any interest in moving forward with our life is gone.

So there they are. There are tons more examples of course and you can always email me for them through my website at http://www.superstarsuperstar.com/ . The important thing to know is, you’re not alone. Always follow your gut instinct and never be afraid to ask those difficult questions! If you think someone might be using, well than they just might be. You just may save a life by speaking up now.

If you think this can help someone, pass it on! And also, pick up a copy of Serenity, it’s the first ever music CD recommended by Certified Alcohol and Drug Counselors. Good stuff, great message, and might help provide you that opportunity at home to engage your child in the conversation that eventuality; you will need to have concerning drugs. With current and past members from bands like Trans Siberian Orchestra, Kiss, Heart, and the Goo Goo Dolls, you really cannot go wrong! Order here, http://www.rsssworldwide.com/ or download via iTunes

Want to know what a relapse for an addict feels like?

2010-08-25T16:00:00.000-07:00

Want to know what a relapse for an addict feels like? This has been posted before; it’s an entry from the forthcoming book “The First 30 Days to Serenity: The Ultimate Survival Guide to Staying Sober” – which you can pre-order by going to www.rockstarsuperstarproject.com

Please pass it on if you feel it can help someone!

-Super Star

Day 1

I am awake.

It’s 10:38 a.m. and I hear voices downstairs. They are the voices of my twin brother and his fiancée and I’m pretty sure they are talking about me. Their voices are muffled from the distance between us. Once thing is crystal clear; if they are talking about me it isn’t anything good.

I have been here before. I don’t mean here at my brother’s girlfriend’s place in sunny Malibu, or in this bed, but here mentally. I’m familiar with this feeling I’m feeling now; remorseful of my mistake, remorseful immediately following yet another relapse. My tail is between my legs. I want to hide, curl up under the blanket and somehow magically disappear. I want to take it all back, reel it all in, change time and place and circumstance so I won’t have to feel what I’m feeling right now. Of course I don’t want this heavy feeling of regret peppered with dread, who would? But I know this much—I need to feel it. That’s what’s going to separate this relapse from the last 100 relapses. But if I could find a time machine and reset it to go back just twelve hours, I’d be a happy guy. Just twelve hours ago my life was a blissfully wonderful existence and to be living and enjoying each day was truly a gift. Now I feel as though that gift has been unwrapped to unveil a nasty, foul drug addict. I’m disgusted with myself as I very well should be. I’m deserving of each and every one of these feelings.

My twin brother, Marc, comes in and immediately tells me that I should go downstairs to speak to his fiancée. I need to do the well choreographed dance of apology about the previous night’s drama and the stress that I am causing their relationship and her personally. I know what I did. My first thought is “I don’t need the reminder from you asshole. I know that I fucked up yet again.” And then my second thought comes quickly…”Unfortunately he is right and I understand his anger.” He has a right to be angry. Not only did I let him down, I let his fiancée down.

Last night I had concocted some bullshit story of going to dinner with my friend’s family, but in actuality I borrowed my brother’s car, picked up some crack and drove to my apartment in Brentwood to get high. It was a relapse set in motion long before I picked up the drugs. My brother’s fiancée, Lenee, and her girlfriend, Maria, were looking for me after calling to question my whereabouts. I knew they suspected that I might be using drugs tonight. They probably saw it coming weeks ago, just as I had. My seriousness about my recovery was slipping and becoming less of a priority. That probably should have been the first sign that I was in trouble. It has always been quite obvious to tell when I’m getting high, even over the phone. My voice begins to crack, words start to slur, and the pauses in between each syllable become longer. After an exchange of only one sentence with me, their suspicions were confirmed. I could literally hear the heartbreak crackling across the phone line.

I can’t even imagine the disappointment that they must have felt and the overwhelming knowledge that I let them down when they wanted nothing more than for me to succeed. How odd that I knew this would happen, yet I decided to do it anyway. The disease was strong enough to convince me in some warped manner that it wouldn’t matter.

But of course that was a lie. It matters and somewhere inside of all that mattering, it hurts. It hurts me and it hurts them. My brother and Lenee had been so happy and excited recently; boasting to everyone how I had just completed 60 days of sobriety. I had just begun to earn a small amount of respect and trust back from them following my previous relapse. But like they say, if you fly with the crows you get shot at, and again and again my disease shows me that it has perfect aim. It always does because I allow it to.

I’m well aware that my lack of incorporating the tools that I had learned in rehab and past relapses ultimately played a significant part in this tumble and ultimate fall. I was bound for failure. I do know better, of course I know better. I was taught better and was smarter and far savvier than any drug could be; yet I keep falling and harder each time. I have heard it told that every time you relapse you lose more of yourself and each time it is harder to bounce back. I never fully understood what that meant and whatever it did mean I’d always been sure couldn’t be true. But now I know. I understand, and it is horribly, painfully true.

Getting caught last night set me back many months. It sent me back from the place where my family trusted me or would ever feel confident enough in me to trust me again. I do this all the time. How could I ever recover from the sheer magnitude of this disappointment? The sorrow and embarrassment I am feeling right now in this moment is extreme. My disease wants me to think that I can bounce back easily, that everyone will get over it soon enough, and it’s in that very thinking that the trouble starts. But I’m onto it this time and I am going to be sure I experience the pain of the situation I am in, as I should. I usually don’t and that’s why I am here again.

I set out on the walk of shame downstairs to apologize. I meet Lenee’s eyes and it’s apparent that she’s been crying. She’s still in her robe and I can tell it’s been a rough morning. I lean over, hug her, and tell her I am sorry. The problem is at this point I have said “I’m sorry” too many times. I always say I’m sorry. I always hope this word will solve the problem, though I’ve proven to myself that this just simply isn’t true. This woman had done nothing but help me. She helped me secure treatment here in Malibu, not once but twice since I arrived. She spent almost $90,000 on “fixing me” but it’s clear that I am still broken.

Or am I? Could it be that I’m just not trying hard enough? I do know the real answer to that question, even though something in me won’t allow me to admit it. But between you, these pages, and me it’s obvious that had I wanted sobriety all along and I’d do what I could to get it. But right now I have to tend to the situation at hand and do my damndest to make her feel better. How can a hug and I’m sorry ever be enough to do this? I’m sick of giving hugs. I’m sick of I’m sorry. They just don’t work. The people that I give them to are probably pretty tired of them too. The only way I could ever repay Lenee is to stay sober and I can’t seem to even do that. But come on, of course I can. I just haven’t been trying hard enough.

Lenee opens up her mouth. “It’s okay, but tell me what happened.”

I know it’s not ok, and I certainly can’t tell her what happened.

I take a seat across from her and despite knowing it means absolutely nothing coming from my mouth, I apologize over and over again. It’s all I can think of to do at the moment.

She asks again, “What happened?” She asks as if she wonders if it was anything that she did. I can take this opportunity and point fingers and blame her by making up something that we both know would be un-true because that’s what I always do. I always avoid responsibility. But not this time.

I sink deep into my chair, knowing that she has taken this relapse personally and somehow is feeling responsible for it. This makes me cringe and cower even more. I have to man up and say something. “No,” I tell her. “I just wanted to get high. It’s as simple as that.” For no rhyme or reason, I just wanted to get high. Usually when I relapse I hurl full throttle into a binge for a few days, spending enormous amounts of money, selling anything I have in my possession, losing tons of weight and coming back home skinnier and in the same clothes I had left in. But this wasn’t my normal M.O. this time. I somehow managed to only spend $60 last night and when I was done, I was done—really done. But that doesn’t matter. There was no shiny reward or statuette to place on your mantel for Responsible Addict. I know this, but I still try to justify my actions. A relapse is a relapse no matter which way you look at it.

Lenee tells me that she and Marc have made prior plans for the weekend and asks if I would be willing to go to Chicago to visit my girlfriend. I had left her there months earlier so I could go into rehab. I am actually dying to see her so I happily accept. In Lenee’s eyes this will give me time to sober up, but in actuality I already am sober, or at least I think I am. She doesn’t understand that I only had a few hits. I didn’t want more and wasn’t even thinking about getting more. But I can hear in her voice that she thinks I am craving and will do anything to get my hands on any drug that I can. This isn’t the case, but how or why would I try to explain this to her? She has no reason to believe me anyway.

She proceeds to tell me how important it is to her that Marc and I get a chance to live our dreams and that my visit to Chicago is just temporary for only a few days. I can’t be sure if she’s telling me the truth or not. Maybe she never wants me back. But I do care about what she thinks and for her well-being. I am certain that this fiasco has really pushed her to the brink, so of course I’ll go. I don’t want her to feel she has to be my babysitter this weekend. I want her to have a fun, relaxing time and that could only happen if she’s away from all of this drama. She needs to get away from me and try to forget about the destruction and mayhem that I just caused. So I accept her offer, humbly apologize one more time and head back upstairs. And in case you’re wondering, it’s harder than it sounds to do.

I see my brother on the stairs. He’s pissed and doesn’t trust me alone in the house anymore. I’ve never taken from that house, but I still can’t blame him. Today he has an appointment and wants me to tag along. This is his way of keeping an eye on me and getting me out of his house when no one else will be home. I have no choice in the matter so I go. I’ve lost rights, freedom, and the simple pleasures of being a grown up and not a kid. I pretty much have to do whatever anyone tells me to do at this point. Despite not wanting to be in the same car with him at the moment, I have to be willing to face the dread of this consequence. Doing so might just be the very thing that will ensure that I never, ever want to go through this again.

I sit in his car, waiting for the appointment to be over and wonder what’s on the agenda for the rest of the day. I watch healthy and productive, non-addicted people as they drive in, walk by and carry on. Sheer embarrassment and humility make it so I don’t really want to go back and see Lenee again. I had a hard time showing my face to her this morning, but I will if I have to.

My brother approaches the vehicle, climbs in, and asks how I feel about going to Chicago right now.

“Are you nuts?” I say. “I need time to pack!” All my clothes are back at his place.

“Too bad”, he says. “Your flight leaves at 6:15 p.m.”

I plead for a chance. I plead to be allowed back into the house for the simple right to grab my jacket. “I don’t want to go to Chicago without a jacket in April,” I shout.

“Too bad,” he says. “Should have thought about that before you got high.”

“What about my dog? She’s at my apartment. I haven’t been there for a full day now and she’s got to eat!” I plead, hoping for any little shred of mercy.

“I’ll take care of her,” is all he gives me.

My blood is boiling and quickly heats to fury. It’s hard to know what’s the rawest spot. Was it not being given the chance to say goodbye to my dog, Doro, or being denied the most basic of liberties—being able to pack like a sane man and call my girlfriend so she could make arrangements for my arrival. But maybe what hurt and pissed me off the most was that my own twin brother couldn’t get rid of me fast enough.

I’m lost in all of this anger. I try to convince myself that it’ll work itself out and be all right again since it’s only going to be a few days. I have to tell myself that right now even when all I really want to do is cry. Sure I miss my girlfriend, but I’ve never loved Chicago. Who wants to leave Malibu for the Windy City for goodness sake? But it’s my fault. It’s always my fault.

I try to calm down, regroup and carry on. She has some of my clothes from a previous visit. I’ll manage. It’s only a few days, right? Seeing my girlfriend, Edyta, will be a good distraction and may help me get through this weekend.

There are no other words shared between my brother and me as we approach the airport. He pulls in, veers to the curb and slams it into park. I reluctantly get out of the truck, get a quick and emotionless hug from my brother and walk zombie-like inside to check in.

The next thing I know I’m in Chicago. It’s late and I’m tired. I take a taxi from the airport to the house and as the taxi drops me off Edyta and her dog, Zena, welcome me. This makes me miss my Doro. Edyta had already gotten the call ahead from my brother and I’m sure he didn’t say the nicest of things. She doesn’t say much to me. I know she is just as disappointed as everyone else and I’m just as embarrassed to be here as I was to be in California amidst all the drama that I caused.

Sometimes I think that those who surround addicts don’t realize that we do have a conscious and that our relapses are twice as taxing on us emotionally as they are on them. Not only do we have to deal with the let down that we caused them, but also the let down that we feel within ourselves. Please don’t mistake me and think that I’m attempting to minimize what we as addicts put the people who love us through. But by the same token they certainly shouldn’t think that they are the only ones feeling the pain of our deeds.

Edyta undresses me and puts me into bed for the night, and before closing my eyes I offer her the contents of my wallet. I do this as a precautionary measure and as an act of good faith. I do have some cash on me right now and this is a smart but humbling move. I’m embarrassed, but even here, so many miles from sunny California, crack cocaine is just blocks away and that’s a chance I can’t take.

I go to bed feeling sad for Edyta. She knows I’m only here because I’m an optionless man. I really didn’t have a choice, and for her, that has to hurt.

Three-feeling check in: sad, disappointed, and heartbroken.

A year-later reflection:

Stinkin’ Thinkin’:

• I state that I relapsed because I just wanted to get high but that’s not true. Using drugs is no longer for fun. I recall now that I had been feeling things that I didn’t want to feel. Feelings of worthlessness and the fear of not knowing what my future held for me in California were what I was running from. The only way I knew how to avoid dealing with these was by using drugs, which made things worse.

• It’s obvious that I’m trying to justify doing $60 worth of drugs during the previous night’s relapse. There shouldn’t be any justification. As I state, “a relapse is a relapse,” no matter what way you try to slice it. Own up to it.

• It may be true that immediately after a relapse your desires to get high are gone, but never under-estimate the power of your drug of choice while it’s still in your body. I may have said that I didn’t have any cravings, but what if I had keys to a car and a wad of cash? My guess is I would’ve bought drugs. Don’t kid yourself. You’re not as powerful as you think you are at this time of weakness. It’s important to take ALL the precautionary measures seriously, and that includes staying around as many sober people as you can, even though you may not want to.

• How dare I get mad about not being allowed to pack before being sent off to Chicago! I just relapsed and destroyed all the trust that I had re-earned for the 100th time! An addict after a relapse should hardly have any rights at all. A relapse should be as painful as can be, and I credit my brother and Lenee for sticking to their guns and making it this way for me. It made me never want to go through it again! The ONLY person I should have been mad at is myself. The good news is I made it through this terrible time and you can too!

Sober Thinking:

• I had extreme feelings of remorse regarding my relapse. This is key to getting through your first 24 hours of sobriety. It’s a feeling you must try to remember for the rest of your life, and I use it often to keep me in-check and out of trouble. The moment you forget how bad this day was is the moment your relapse starts. I should know, I’ve forgotten every time except this time. That’s one of the reasons I’m sober today!

• Remember that others have a right to be angry and disappointed with you after a relapse. No one can help you decide to get and stay sober but our loved ones often think they can. I remember how awful I felt when my brother came in the room and can recall feeling his anger radiate through the entire bedroom. I had no choice but to suck it up. It is the same with Lenee during this day. Notice how she felt responsible for my relapse. She wasn’t, I was. But this is what happens with friends and family members that surround any addict, and it’s important to be aware of this dynamic. It’s important for you and them to know that it’s not their fault!

• It’s also important to know and accept that those close to you may need a break! Remember, you have been a whirlwind of doom in their lives for a long time. They will come back as you stay sober. They always do and more often than not, closer than ever before. When Lenee said she wanted me to go away to Chicago I knew it was important to go and give her space.

• I took responsibility for my relapse this time and that’s important. Take responsibly for your relapse and newfound sobriety. Never blame others for your fall. It’s time to start owning up and taking it seriously. Day 1 was a horrible day but I was fortunately aware enough to take responsibility for my actions and deal with the dread and humiliation and somehow persevered. A year later, I can tell you this made me stronger, although at the time I would have never seen this coming.

A 36 year-old addict with nothing? Hardly…

2010-07-03T12:29:00.000-07:00

A 36 year-old addict with nothing? Hardly…

I know one of these people. He is a brilliant guy. At least he thinks so. He is smart, charming, witty, some say handsome, but he’s also an addict. Because of his addiction, to this day has no car, no possessions or even clothes to call his own. Most think he does, but its true. He has no money, nothing. Really? Nothing? Well I guess he does have one thing going for him and I think he knows it. Its today’s sobriety. This is what he is using to help others succeed where he failed. So after reading this would you call him a failure? Some have, but he does not let things get to him anymore.

He is resilient, persistent and knows he can weather this storm if he wants to bad enough and have anything that he desires providing he stays on this path. His perseverance is beyond anyone’s that he knows, he knows this, and because of it, will ultimately win the race.

I know him well. He has more than he thinks. After all, he has his dreams and no one can ever take them away. Or can they?

Because he is sober, he is frantically working towards them as we speak. He wants to make each and everyone one of them a reality. Not just for himself but for others around watching him to know they can do it themselves if also sober. He is working hard, working diligently. His dreams are waiting for him and he’s closer to them than he has ever been. His dreams are the only thing he has to hang onto anymore. They represent the hope and possibility that things can and will get better if he just tries hard enough.

His dreams are to continue reaching out and helping those that may be afraid to ask for help themselves. His dreams are to continue his work alongside his brother in conveying to as many people that will listen to how important sobriety and responsibility really is. His dreams are to someday soon, finally become a respected member of society and not just “a worthless drug addict.”

I know this guy all right and I am proud to say its me.

Most people think my brother and I have everything, but we don’t. We only have each other and are just like you. We are constantly struggling with our inner demons and suffering the consequences because of them. And also just like you, we get up and try and try again to do things right because we know that one day, we will be looking back on all this and smiling when knowing where we finally got it right.

-Super Star

Please pass this on if you feel it can help someone.
www.weareoneonline.org

It’s ok to relapse, really!

2010-07-01T20:34:00.000-07:00

It’s ok to relapse, really!

Well let me explain before I get into trouble and spell out what I am saying so it’s very clear and not misinterpreted in anyway.

Ok I sound a bit whacked I know. Especially when it’s so important for consistency regarding your days clean. But honestly, it all about the day that’s present. That is all that matters. I don’t care if you or I relapsed yesterday, its all about today. That is all that matters so don’t beat yourself up over it if you fell recently.

As I said recently in a Facebook post, I too struggle with addiction on a daily basis. Struggling with addiction does not always mean with your drug of choice either. It’s the way an addict thinks and it’s the stinking thinking that always leads to trouble. So yes I struggle with addiction issues and it’s an every day battle.

Something happened to me yesterday that was a prime example of how my addiction is waiting for me and growing stronger with each passing day. It’s no doubt waiting for me and today I choose to tell it to go elsewhere and thank god I do. If you make it to bed sober tonight gang, you have won the battle for today now worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.

Family members sometimes forget that the addict does sense an overwhelming sense of failure and despair during a relapse. I know they do because I rememeber seeing it first hand. Members of ones family quickly grow tired of the excuses and rightfully so. They are tired of the “I’m sorry’s.” Again, rightfully so. But so are we. We are tired of letting others down and it’s important to let the “normies” know and understand that we are trying and that one day we will get it right if we want to bad enough. So, don’t abandon us completely, let us know on some level you are there rooting for us to “get it right.” Also be strong and aware as to never let us manipulate you and never ever enable us in anyway. That will be a huge factor in our success.

So its ok to relapse! Just don’t do it again, starting NOW!

If you feel this can help, pass it on!

-Super Star
www.weareoneonline.org

Another example of how asking for help can actually help!

2010-06-23T08:37:00.001-07:00

Hello all, I just thought I’d share another one of my stories to show anyone that will listen, just how powerful drug addiction can be - even if a loved one’s life is at its end.

So here it is-

My grandmother and I were extremely close. All while growing up and into adulthood, she was the only other woman on this planet; other than my girlfriend at the time, whom I adored. Although I was living in Chicago and her NY, we’d keep in constant contact with one another via phone and I’d often take the trip out just to see her and take her grocery shopping. I didn’t mind the drive, after all, it gave me a reason to get out and get high along the way. I must have been 27-ish. I was falling deeper into an addiction and I don’t think I really knew it.

She had become extremely ill and had been in the care of Hospice towards the end of her journey. One morning, I had received a call from her. She was not at all sounding like herself. She told me that today was her day and that she was going to “go”. As much as I did not want to believe her words, I felt she was right. As our brief telephone conversation was nearing an end, her words became less and less coherent. I told her not to “go” anywhere without me there to help see her through it. I hung up and quickly packed. I had to get going. I had to be there for her.

On the way out of Chicago, I was full of emotions. I can recall despair and sadness were all I felt and I sure the hell didn’t want to deal with those emotions. In fact, I don't think I even really knew how. I always needed drugs to help me deal with them and this time was no exception. If I were going to be successful at sitting in my truck for the next 12 to make the trek. I had to stop and get some!

I was quickly able to pick up a bit of heroin at a stop I had often frequented. I would have preferred some crack to help me stay awake for the drive but it was all the dealer had so I took it. The problem though, heroin is a downer. It makes me sleepy. That’s obviously not good for someone who needs to be alert for the next 12 hrs. Nevertheless, it wasn’t enough to stop me from taking a hit of it as soon as I got it. So there I was, not even out of the state of Illinois yet and I was already high. My addiction had me and I was already not caring about getting to my grandmother to say good-bye. Crazy how we become different people as soon as we have our drugs in our system.

I could not believe what I was doing. Picking drugs over doing what I knew was right. I was aware enough to know that this time was different and I had to do something, at least for the time being, so I could get to NY and get there sober. I needed an act of god to help me get to her before she passed away.

So I pulled over to the side of the road, and for the next few minutes - prayed.

I had prayed before for assistance but never like this. Each previous time, praying to what I felt were to deaf ears, but not this time. I sat, focused and really felt I had a line of communication to my higher power. I felt it, heard it, and definitely had it; I must have because for the next 12 hour drive, I was suddenly in control.

I was alone with my own thoughts for the next 12 hours and was able to deal with them without the use of drugs as a coping mechanism. This brief moment of clarity did allow me to eventually make it to NY and make it there sober as well.

My grandmother did end up waiting for me that night and remarkably just as I arrived to hold her hand, decided to let “go.” It was one of the most beautiful things I had ever been apart of and I could not have done it at that moment without sobriety in my life.

If you feel this could help someone, please pass it on!

-Super Star
www.rockstarsuperstarproject.com

Could pot be a problem for anyone? Sure can!

2010-06-02T20:08:00.000-07:00

Could pot be a problem for anyone? Sure can!

My view on pot is probably a little less traditional than how most recovering addicts feel about it. I am neither for nor against its legalization, simply because I just do not do it. And since its illegal in almost every state, I do not want to be associated with. I got enough problems to worry about, the last thing I need is to get charged with marijuana possession. I do agree though that pot is not a problem for some and for those that need it for medical purposes, well then they should be allowed access to it. After all, who are we to tell anyone that they should suffer if they have an option not to? However, pot can become an issue for many and become very dangerous. It can even ruin lives. I have seen it first hand in rehab and this email below only confirms my statement. So let us address it.

Dear Super Star,

I need some advice. Help for someone who will not stop smoking pot and is on the verge of loosing everything he owns and loves because of it! I know that he will not quit until he wants to, but I have been trying to get him to quit for years. How do I make him want to quit? He sees his world has fallen apart, has legal issues now and he still won’t stop. It hurts to see him throw his life away like this. He becomes very sarcastic and down right nasty if I suggest counseling. Any suggestions? Help!

Thanks,

-Anonymous

Well anonymous, the unfortunate situation you have to face is that you cannot convince anyone to stop anything. That all has to come from within the one struggling with the addition. To motivate change, one needs a reason. Sometimes it takes rather unfortunate circumstances and consequences for the abuser to stop their drug of choice. However, for some, the trouble they find themselves in is not enough to convince them to do otherwise. This of course is where the professionals often come in, rehabs, drug abuse counselors, etc. An important tool that my brother and I are trying to convey is the tool of “success” that can come from abstinence. Getting an addict to see that success can be found only while sober has helped many that we have met with; decide to at least try it. Help him identify his passion and use that as a tool to help them get excited and enthusiastic about their purpose in life. For me it was helping others with a little music thrown in the mix. For him it may be something different, but whatever it is, have him find it and focus his energies on what makes him happy.

There of course is a lot more to your situation and it’s not as easy to fix as I make it sound. You have to remember, most addicts become so because they have trouble dealing with their feelings, therefore, they use drugs a medicine to help cover them up and sweep them under the carpet, then of course get addicted to the process and the substance itself. INSERT – ADDICTION! That is when experienced professionals can step in and help those that cannot help themselves see that it does not have to be like that any longer. Its never too late to learn how to deal properly with the situations and emotions that life throws at you. However, not everyone is in his or her addiction so deep. Some just need a budge in the right direction and are already in a position to absorb the essential life skills and tools from recovery environments such as AA or NA meetings, books, or even the Rock Star Super Star story, etc.

As far as his nastiness is concerned when your trying make him see that you’re just trying to help. Ignore what is left of it and stop trying so hard. Easier said than done I know. Especially of you’re a mom! The best thing you can do though is to not let yourself become the abused. If he is at a point that the mere mention of him needing help gets him to become irate, then stop making the suggestions. He needs to falter and trip on his own doings. Stop Stop Stop. From an addict’s perspective, it’s just going to develop more unfair resentments towards you and from your point of view; well you just don’t deserve that kind of treatment. If he gets caught, let him go to jail, if he wrecks his car, do not buy him a new one. I am sure you get the point. Remember, he needs a reason to stop, so let him find it and do not take it away from him when he does.

I hope this helps!

If you have any questions you would like to ask Super Star, send me an email at super@superstarsuperstar.com. In addition, don’t forget to pre-order our copy of Serenity from the www.rockstarsuperstarproject.com website. It’s a great way to get the message to the importance of sobriety if your not one who likes to be lectured or read a book! Check out the sample below.

-Super Star

PS. If you think this could help someone, please pass it on!

Anyone care to dream a little dream with me?

2010-03-18T21:10:00.000-07:00

Anyone who is fighting for something, anything, should read this.

It has been awhile since I have blogged and to everyone emailing for another, well here I am…and here is another.

I have been rather quiet for a couple weeks. The reason is that I immersed myself in work. I think at a point it became unhealthy. I’m still not sure. I was in a zone of trying to accomplish something big. Along with my co-worker and friend Matt Gabrys from www.realcollegetour.com, were both relentless on a pursuit of redemption. This blog will drift briefly from the subject of sobriety but trust me, it’s a message every addict needs to read as it serves as a testament to perseverance, which all of us need from time to time to make it on through that next sober moment. So here it goes.

Have you ever been told that dreadful expression, “Keep dreaming?” It’s a ludicrous and negative comment that usually comes from those who that aren’t inspired themselves and/or cant stand it when others around them succeed. Trust me; I get this all day long, sometimes 2 to 3 times a week. Rock Star and myself, and Matt, were all told (and sometimes to our faces), that our hopes and desires were too unreasonable. One example would be that our music would never play on any single station in America. That our method to bringing to light a very serious substance abuse issue amongst our youth will never attract enough attention to ever make a difference. Well sorry to 100% of those around us, we do not and will never see things that way. AND THANK GOD! In our eyes, everything imaginable is obtainable. Of course that is, if your sober and of course, we are.

While Rock Star rocked his message of sobriety in California, Matt and I kept busy ourselves in the windy city trying to break through the wall of despair and rejection with these very objectives. .

As you all are aware, my brother and I have recently released National Anthem 2.0. A song performed by members of Trans-Siberian Orchestra, Circle II Circle, and ourselves and created with sincere sentiment toward our great nation. We felt very strongly about this effort and very positive about the message we were trying to express. The message was simple; support all of those who are on the front lines everyday, fighting for our freedom at home and around the globe while at the same time, release a song so inspirational and so true, that it will ultimately allow us to convey our message of sobriety to the masses. We were setting ourselves up for quite a mission.

National Anthem 2.0 was not just the ultimate tribute to the Star Spangled Banner. It was bigger than anyone of us and we all knew it from the beginning. We all felt very strongly that it was important to get this song out there and in every way and anyway we could.

Well today, I can stand before you and can say that because of our very exhausting efforts, the song has now garnered interest from radio stations across the country. It has been nominated by the L.A Music Awards as “Song of the year,” and finally, we have recently learned of a few towns will be playing the song to help welcome home members of the National Guard during their upcoming homecomings. As you can imagine, this is the ultimate compliment for us.

But in between the lines to all this success are the self-doubts created by the doubters that surrounded us. It was often Matt and I would look at each other and ask, “When should we give up?” Because we knew what getting this song out there could do for us to help us communicate our message of sobriety later on, we knew we had to keep going, but but how? The doubts were setting in quickly and it was making things extremely difficult.

“How much of our effort would make a difference anyway?” I can remember asking.

It was a very difficult time and everyday we were faced with a discouraging blow to the face by someone else who had an over inflated ego and who didn’t want to help us simply for the reason because he/she knew that they could.

Then the emails came tricking in.

Various Lieutenant Colonel told us they liked the song.

Family members of soldiers told us they liked the song.

Now we could not stop.

During this time, there were A LOT of program directors and other corporate folks who wrote us off by ignoring us completely with our ideas and proposals. This is hard to accept when it was often that developing one initiative or pitch could take up to 10-20 hours to perfect, or in the case of General Motors, 40-50 hours. Most people don't think about that when they click delete. Pretty sad. Some stations and companies even told us the song was song “too patriotic,” for their tastes. Hundreds of hours only to end our days with comments and actions that we saw as nothing more than a slap in the face to our soldiers and our nation’s heroes. We ourselves also took them very personally. Our hopes were always high and we suddenly found them AND ourselves at an all time low. Dealing with rejections on a daily basis is discouraging and disheartening. Every one of them were hard to recover from because each was a horrific blow to our self-esteem and self-worth. Geez, maybe everyone was right. Maybe we should "keep dreaming."

As I mentioned prior, we did get radio eventually but it wasn’t just radio Matt and I were after. It was something even greater. We knew we had a good product (song), and being the innovators we are often called, knew it could do a whole lot of good for a whole lot of people somehow, but in what way?

Then we thought about it and realized how terrific it would be to get this song into the hands of an organization that could benefit from its message of patriotism and use on a level that we never could. Moreover, on a level that could help more people in ways than we could ever fathom. But at this stage of our push we were already running on fumes and only a day or two away from possibly giving up completely.

Last Monday, before I laid my little head down to rest, I prayed harder than I ever had. I asked my higher power for anything, just a little something; to give me us the courage to continue our quest to do what we felt was “the right thing.”

Then I went to sleep to “keep dreaming.”

The very next morning, the phone rang. On the other end of that phone was my answer we had been relentlessly perusing for months.

I cried.

Everything and even more than what Matt, Rock Star or I could of ever of hoped for was suddenly and almost still unbelievably talking to me on the other and of the phone.

Although I cannot tell you what just yet, National Anthem 2.0 is now in the hands of the right entity. My higher power undoubtedly brought us together. We are lucky to have people and companies out there that “get it,” and like Matt, I, and my brother, are not afraid to stand up and fight for those that stand in front of us on our behalf every single day. For the ones that don’t and didn’t, SHAME ON YOU.

So in the not to distant future when you hear National Anthem 2.0 on the radio by Rock Star Super Star project, you can be sure that its for a great cause and we hope that you show your support to them in droves.

As of writing this blog, a total 60,000 of you have watched the videos posted online for National Anthem 2.0. It has been nominated for “Best song of the year” by LA Music Awards and will be used by an extremely important organization that supports our Military Might. Not to shabby for a song that everyone told us not to write.

If you are dealing with your own obstacles while fighting for your own truth, with addiction, or anything else, or just need some kind words of inspiration and hope, please email me at super@superstarsuperstar.com and/or visit us at www.rockstarsuperstarproject.com

In conclusion, you can accomplish everything and anything, just stay sober. It is the only way. And for all those that have helped in some form or another, push National Anthem 2.0 to the front lines, thank you. Redemption is already here.

And to Matt, the one person who set up camp with me for all those months who never gave up. Truly the one person who never laughed, ok we both laughed, no matter how outrageous my ideas and claims. All those Friday and Saturday nights working behind our crazy laptops wishing we were somewhere with the rest of the world, even if it were a Wal-Mart, thanks brother. On to the next conquerable endeavor. You ready? Cause I got an idea!

Message from DJ AM Goldstein's mom

2010-02-14T17:54:00.000-08:00

While speaking with DJ AM’s mother Andrea the other night I was reminded of just how painful this disease is to the family members of those that surround the us. As you might know, nearly a year after surviving a plane crash in South Carolina, disc jockey Adam "DJ AM" Goldstein was found dead in his New York apartment last September from a drug overdose. He was just 36 years old. DJ AM was a role model to many kids and adults struggling to come to terms with their addiction. Despite the terms of his death, DJ AM did make the difference he set out to and even after his death, is conveying a message to the importance of sobriety. The message is loud and clear. Drugs can kill you. My brother and I are dedicating our CD “Serenity” in loving memory of DJ AM. May his message help those that are willing to listen finally get the help they need. DJ AM’s mom has asked us to share the following with everyone. Please take note to the seriousness of her words. They are painful to read….

The Truth from DJAM's Mom:

If Adam were here, he would tell you......
I have NO desire to die.
I want to live.
I didn't know that I was taking too many drugs at once.
I fell asleep.
The drugs made my body STOP BREATHING.
I didn't know that would happen.
YOU won't know either.

For more information on Rock Star and Super Star, please visit www.weareoneonline.org or www.rockstarsuperstarprojct.com

My day 2 after a relapse....

2010-02-10T20:31:00.000-08:00

It’s almost as it happened yesterday and although it’s been well over a year, reading this is a harsh reminder of what can always happen again ----- if I let it!

Again, as painful as this is, it’s important I pay it forward and get it out to as many eyes as that will read it. Please pass it on if you feel it can help someone. Also, please stop by www.weareoneonline.org or www.rockstarsuperstarproject.com and find out what Rock Star and Super Star are all about.

Day 2

It’s almost 1 p.m. when I awake. Last night’s late arrival made a great excuse for me to sleep in. I open my eyes to see my girlfriend. She is still tired from waiting up for me. I get up and decide the first thing I need to do is call my brother to assess yesterday’s damage. I need to know how he’s feeling. I want to know what transpired after I left. This call holds nothing but sheer misery for me, but I can’t go forward until I know where I stand.

I’m banking on him not answering. He is probably still upset. I know I am. How could I have done this? I already miss him. I’m so very remorseful. I pick up the phone to call, and I was right.

He doesn’t answer.

It’s doubtful that it’s because he’s still sleeping, It’s a choice; the same one I’d most likely make if I were him and he was me. I don’t leave a voice mail. I’ll just send him a text, wait it out and hope for some sort of reply. I’m hanging on to any shred of hope that perhaps he’s not as upset as I am thinking he is. Let’s be honest, this way I can see if I can manipulate my way back to California.

I don’t know how I can do that, but like all addicts, I’m crafty when I need to be and my only hope is for him to call back soon. I have questions that I feel need to be answered. No, I actually demand that they be answered. If they’re not, I’ll allow them to ruin my day, because that’s what I always do. My self-pity is a game that has to stop, but it’s easier said than done. As much as I have the desire and willingness to take responsibility for my actions, I still find it difficult. It’s just so much easier to place the blame elsewhere. My addictive personality drives me straight here because of the damage my poor brain has endured from the drugs. I’m fine-tuned now to always search for the easy way out, an escape route that leaves me the possibility that I could go out and do more drugs.

Shit, I know this, and in a few weeks I’ll hopefully be back to that place where my thoughts can be handled differently and effectively. I’m struggling and with the struggling comes the distracting thinking that allows room for nothing other than wondering what the hell my brother must be thinking at this very moment.

And that isn’t good.

As much as I should be reviewing and pondering the whirlwind of doom that I just caused for myself and others, I should be fighting the grip of this addiction. Being this way always pulls me back and into a downward spiral, straight into another relapse. It’s a fine line to walk. I know it’s necessary to feel this remorse, but it’s also important that I stay positive and in the moment. It’s in this moment, right now, that I can begin the rebuilding process. If I concentrate and remain too much in the past I’ll never get to that place I need to be. This sobriety is a horse and it’s essential that I once again learn how to ride it.

But right now, in this moment, I’m not that strong. My thinking goes back to the many questions: Can this damage I have caused ever be undone? How long will I be here? I know Jennifer said it would just be for a few days, but now 48 hours down the line, is this still what she is thinking? Would she want me to stay here longer? And if she does, do I have the right to demand my clothes be shipped to me?

God damn it! Why didn’t my brother answer the phone? I want my questions answered now. Trust me, I am aware of how amazingly selfish I am being, but I don’t even care. This is how I always feel the day after I relapse—poor me and screw everyone else. My moment of clarity has been lost. Can’t anyone see that I’m the victim here? The grip from the drugs is far too powerful for me to escape at this weak and weary moment. I’m knee deep in my illusions, thinking that placing the blame on anyone else right now is completely acceptable. It’s this poor me attitude that clearly proves my disease is looking for any way out right now. Any excuse I can find to go back out and use will be taken seriously. My disease seems to whisper, “It can’t get any worse right now anyway.” But something makes me stop.

Reality check time.

I snap back into the moment. Thank God I am aware that it can get worse and it surely will if I decide to pick up that crack pipe again, just like it’s gotten worse each and every time I’ve lost a hand against this formidable opponent. But I have to get up and out of bed, stomp out these feelings of selfishness and somehow shake my woe is me attitude. I have to focus on today, right now, in this moment. My brother will call later. If he doesn’t, he’ll call tomorrow.

And if he doesn’t, of course I know I have the ability to call him.

My girlfriend works every day. She tells me that she has no choice but to go to work this evening and I instantly feel the fear creep in. Is she really going to allow me to stay home alone right now? I know she’s not my keeper, but couldn’t she put off work for one day to make sure I’m all right and hug and console me when I need hugs and consoling? I don’t expect her to miss work, but it’s beyond difficult to maneuver the early days after a relapse all alone. I feel so badly about myself. So horrible. So worthless. The hardest moments for an addict are always this darkness that blocks the way of the dawn.

I know she wants nothing more than to help me. At the same time I know that from her perspective, showing even the slightest ounce of co-dependency or enabling on her part would be more detrimental to me and my recovery in the long run, so it’s best that she goes to work. My past experiences have shown me that I would use this for malicious and manipulating purposes anyway which just leads back to that grueling gripping place scattered with relapse and addiction.

But a hug before she goes would sure be nice.

I’ll be okay. I’ll use this time to reach out and make some phone calls to my friends back in California because even their long distance connection will help right now. But in a flash my feelings change. They always do. I’m an addict and like most addicts we can change the way we feel in an instant. It’s a warped and twisted coping mechanism but even so I suddenly look forward to this evening alone. I feel strong in the fact that I’ve had no cravings this afternoon and even if I did, I’d have no way to leave the house. My girlfriend has the car and let’s not forget that I gave her the money in my wallet last night and I’m damn glad that I did.

In an odd way I feel blessed. The other night’s relapse hadn’t happened in order for me to fulfill any cravings that I may have been having, because in reality I hadn’t had any in quite some time. I got high just for the sake of getting high; that gnarled desire to get fucked up. I didn’t want to be sober; it was so hard to be sober. I wanted to cope the easy way, the way that would get me through the day and through whatever feelings I was trying to cover. I’m never sure what feelings and emotions I’m running away from, but ultimately, that’s the essence of why I do drugs, therefore it has to be for that reason and that reason alone.

Doing drugs is no longer for fun or recreation. It’s my medicine and the other night I needed it. But what kind of moron takes medicine that can kill you in an instant? An addicted one, that’s who. Despite the fact that I recently stopped working as a computer consultant to start new ventures while living in Malibu, California, which I adore, I still found myself running away from something. But what? My rent was paid, my food bought for me and my designer clothes were given to me for free. My success in whatever I was ultimately going to end up doing for a living was eminent. After all, I’m living in the entertainment capital of the world. What else could someone ask for?

As obvious as it sounds I now know that money does not buy happiness. What it does do, is give an addict the ability to buy more drugs. All the good things that had filled my life were taken from me, by the worst of thieves—myself. This is how strong the allure of my drug of choice is to me. This will be hard to understand if you’re not an addict. What makes me even more disgusted and humiliated is the fact that you, my reader, may actually be mistakenly thinking that there was a chance that I didn’t understand that I was, without question, going to get caught. Oh I knew it, but only on a subconscious level, not a conscious one. We all know we’re going to get caught. We want to be caught. We all want help. I knew I’d eventually lose everything I’d worked so hard to gain and truly cherished. It was just a matter of when. This alone demonstrates the sheer, raw power of my addiction. Everything I just mentioned easily fit into my crack pipe, and with one exhale was blown out into a cloud of smoke. Now I am here, in Chicago, paying the price with this all-consuming unhappiness. Gone is the magnificent sounds of the ocean and present is the sound of the train picking up people to take them to work with the dawn of a new day.

My brother calls. Apparently in order to get away, he’s flown to Alabama and is now at the racetrack. He doesn’t want to talk to me and tells me so right off the bat. I know he’s disgusted with me and hearing this in his voice is painful, and I can’t take a whole lot more pain. Just a few seconds into this conversation I tell him that it’s me who doesn’t feel like talking. I am sickened with myself and I am sick of feeling this awful disgust that’s way too familiar. I feel gross and the only good is that maybe, somehow, this will serve as the last time and I’ll never be here, this low, again.

I am still too ashamed to make contact with Jennifer. I don’t want to think about what is going on in her head and my thinking is imbalanced. The few hits of crack from the other night have robbed me of logic. I am in and I’m out. My feelings of resentment toward Marc and Jennifer for allowing me to be sent away are of course unwarranted. They had every right to banish me from their well-ordered life but I know it’s my addiction doing the thinking for me. After all, every ounce is my fault and it’s very important to keep telling myself this. I have to, because the moment I stop remembering who got me here, it becomes someone else’s fault.

My girlfriend decides that she doesn’t want any part of me today. I spend the day on the patio, dwelling in my self-pity, reviewing and wondering where exactly it was that I went so wrong. Hours go by and I attempt to escape by renting a movie, a light one that will pick me up so I once again know what it feels like to crack a smile. I choose a comedy. A lousy one. How fitting, even though there probably isn’t a movie on the planet that could make me laugh right now. Chicago has not been good for my mood as of late and I am in Chicago—in a basement, away from my twin brother, unsure of how long I’ll have to remain. I am an ungrateful, whiny bitch right now and its every single person’s fault except my own.

I go to bed alone.

I don’t know where my girlfriend is.

I don’t care.

Three-feeling check-in: angry, remorseful, and disgusted.

A year-later reflection:

Stinkin’ Thinkin’:

• I am fully aware that I didn’t want to be in Chicago and would do whatever I could to get back to California. I even stated that I wanted to manipulate my brother into allowing me back if that opportunity presented itself . Manipulation is what we addicts do best. It’s how we survive in the world that we set up for ourselves. If you find yourself trying to manipulate anyone for any reason, you can count on a relapse following closely behind.

• It’s crazy to think that just 24 hours prior I was in a better place mentally than during this day. Why do I feel entitled to having my questions answered today when just yesterday I was willing to do anything to appease everyone around me? In this question lies the answer. It’s obvious that my sobriety is not yet for myself. It needs to be in order for me to find success, but it’s obvious that during this moment my disease was looking to play the blaming game.

• I went to bed angry and ungrateful. These are bad feelings and have always been a reason to go out and use. Going to bed angry and unhappy is better than going out and using! Remember, we have no right to be angry with anyone but ourselves. If you find you can’t get past these selfish feelings then I urge you to hit the pillow. Chances are when you awake you will find that those feelings have changed for the better.

Sober Thinking:

• Although I own up to being responsible for the damage I caused, it’s hard for me not to feel bad for myself without using that as a tool for manipulation. If people think I’m sad they will feel bad for me, and I will use that power for malicious purposes. It’s great that I acknowledge that the self-pity has to stop. It’s always easier said than done but at least I’m thinking in that direction.

• It’s good that I recognize that I as much as I want to fix things and understand what’s going on in my brother’s head that I MUST stay in the moment and focus on staying sober. I go in and out of being able to do this today but I am aware of its importance and that’s a start.

• I realized that asking my girlfriend to stay home when I was not having a craving would’ve been selfish. Do not expect anyone to be your babysitter. Babysitting an addict would be a form of enabling. It’s so important to know that if you’re in the midst of a craving, tell someone in any way you can. If one person won’t listen then the next will. If they need to stay with you until the moment passes, this is not a form of babysitting. This is saving your life. It’s a fine line but there is a difference between the two. Don’t be afraid to ask for the help.

• I’m still too ashamed to call Jennifer or to talk to my brother when he finally does call. Don’t let shame turn into depression. Just feel ashamed. Feel dirty and feel the remorse. As soon as you appreciate it for what it is and understand that it won’t last, you will find you’re already rebuilding your relationship and your own self-respect.

My actual account of the morning after a relapse.

2010-01-30T14:47:00.000-08:00

As painful as it is to share this with everyone I feel it’s my duty and it will help others somehow stay sober. It is an actual account of what happened last year and many months ago the day after my last relapse. It’s painful for me to read but if I don’t pass on the gift of what was given me then I am not doing what I am supposed to be doing. If this helps you in someway then I’d love to hear your comments. At the end of this account, I added a reflection of exactly where my thinking may have been “unhealthy”. I hope this helps educate you and may help you determine where your thinking may be “off” as well. (Some names have been changed)

Also, please consider helping us continue to fulfill our mission of helping others stay sober by visiting the following link and pre-ordering your copy of “Serenity” the CD today. We cannot do this without your support. www.weareoneonline.org and www.rockstarsuperstarproject.com

Ok, here it goes…..

Day 1

I am awake.

It’s 10:38 a.m. and I hear voices downstairs. They are the voices of my twin brother and his fiancée and I’m pretty sure they are talking about me. Their voices are muffled from the distance between us. Once thing is crystal clear; if they are talking about me it isn’t anything good.

I have been here before. I don’t mean here at my brother’s girlfriend’s place in sunny Malibu, or in this bed, but here mentally. I’m familiar with this feeling I’m feeling now; remorseful of my mistake, remorseful immediately following yet another relapse. My tail is between my legs. I want to hide, curl up under the blanket and somehow magically disappear. I want to take it all back, reel it all in, change time and place and circumstance so I won’t have to feel what I’m feeling right now. Of course I don’t want this heavy feeling of regret peppered with dread, who would? But I know this much—I need to feel it. That’s what’s going to separate this relapse from the last 100 relapses. But if I could find a time machine and reset it to go back just twelve hours, I’d be a happy guy. Just twelve hours ago my life was a blissfully wonderful existence and to be living and enjoying each day was truly a gift. Now I feel as though that gift has been unwrapped to unveil a nasty, foul drug addict. I’m disgusted with myself as I very well should be. I’m deserving of each and every one of these feelings.

My twin brother, Marc, comes in and immediately tells me that I should go downstairs to speak to his fiancée. I need to do the well choreographed dance of apology about the previous night’s drama and the stress that I am causing their relationship and her personally. I know what I did. My first thought is “I don’t need the reminder from you asshole. I know that I fucked up yet again.” And then my second thought comes quickly…”Unfortunately he is right and I understand his anger.” He has a right to be angry. Not only did I let him down, I let his fiancée down.

Last night I had concocted some bullshit story of going to dinner with my friend’s family, but in actuality, I borrowed my brother’s car, picked up some crack and drove to my apartment in Brentwood to get high. It was a relapse set in motion long before I picked up the drugs. My brother’s fiancée, Kim, and her girlfriend, Maria, were looking for me after calling to question my whereabouts. I knew they suspected that I might be using drugs tonight. They probably saw it coming weeks ago, just as I had. My seriousness about my recovery was slipping and becoming less of a priority. That probably should have been the first sign that I was in trouble. It has always been quite obvious to tell when I’m getting high, even over the phone. My voice begins to crack, words start to slur, and the pauses in between each syllable become longer. After an exchange of only one sentence with me, their suspicions were confirmed. I could literally hear the heartbreak crackling across the phone line.

I can’t even imagine the disappointment that they must have felt and the overwhelming knowledge that I let them down when they wanted nothing more than for me to succeed. How odd that I knew this would happen, yet I decided to do it anyway. The disease was strong enough to convince me in some warped manner that it wouldn’t matter.

But of course that was a lie. It matters and somewhere inside of all that mattering, it hurts. It hurts me and it hurts them. My brother and Kim had been so happy and excited recently; boasting to everyone how I had just completed 60 days of sobriety. I had just begun to earn a small amount of respect and trust back from them following my previous relapse. But like they say, if you fly with the crows you get shot at, and again and again my disease shows me that it has perfect aim. It always does because I allow it to.

I’m well aware that my lack of incorporating the tools that I had learned in rehab and past relapses ultimately played a significant part in this tumble and ultimate fall. I was bound for failure. I do know better, of course I know better. I was taught better and was smarter and far savvier than any drug could be; yet I keep falling and harder each time. I have heard it told that every time you relapse you lose more of yourself and each time it is harder to bounce back. I never fully understood what that meant and whatever it did mean I’d always been sure couldn’t be true. But now I know. I understand, and it is horribly, painfully true.

Getting caught last night set me back many months. It sent me back from the place where my family trusted me or would ever feel confident enough in me to trust me again. I do this all the time. How could I ever recover from the sheer magnitude of this disappointment? The sorrow and embarrassment I am feeling right now in this moment is extreme. My disease wants me to think that I can bounce back easily, that everyone will get over it soon enough, and it’s in that very thinking that the trouble starts. But I’m onto it this time and I am going to be sure I experience the pain of the situation I am in, as I should. I usually don’t and that’s why I am here again.

I set out on the walk of shame downstairs to apologize. I meet Kim’s eyes and it’s apparent that she’s been crying. She’s still in her robe and I can tell it’s been a rough morning. I lean over, hug her, and tell her I am sorry. The problem is at this point I have said “I’m sorry” too many times. I always say I’m sorry. I always hope this word will solve the problem, though I’ve proven to myself that this just simply isn’t true. This woman had done nothing but help me. She helped me secure treatment here in Malibu, not once but twice since I arrived. She spent so much on “fixing me” but it’s clear that I am still broken.

Or am I? Could it be that I’m just not trying hard enough? I do know the real answer to that question, even though something in me won’t allow me to admit it. But between you, these pages, and me it’s obvious that had I wanted sobriety all along and I’d do what I could to get it. But right now I have to tend to the situation at hand and do my damndest to make her feel better. How can a hug and I’m sorry ever be enough to do this? I’m sick of giving hugs. I’m sick of I’m sorry. They just don’t work. The people that I give them to are probably pretty tired of them too. The only way I could ever repay Kim is to stay sober and I can’t seem to even do that. But come on, of course I can. I just haven’t been trying hard enough.

Kim opens up her mouth. “It’s okay, but tell me what happened.”

I know it’s not ok, and I certainly can’t tell her what happened.

I take a seat across from her and despite knowing it means absolutely nothing coming from my mouth, I apologize over and over again. It’s all I can think of to do at the moment.

She asks again, “What happened?” She asks as if she wonders if it was anything that she did. I can take this opportunity and point fingers and blame her by making up something that we both know would be un-true because that’s what I always do. I always avoid responsibility. But not this time.

I sink deep into my chair, knowing that she has taken this relapse personally and somehow is feeling responsible for it. This makes me cringe and cower even more. I have to man up and say something. “No,” I tell her. “I just wanted to get high. It’s as simple as that.” For no rhyme or reason, I just wanted to get high. Usually when I relapse I hurl full throttle into a binge for a few days, spending enormous amounts of money, selling anything I have in my possession, losing tons of weight and coming back home skinnier and in the same clothes I had left in. But this wasn’t my normal M.O. this time. I somehow managed to only spend $60 last night and when I was done, I was done—really done. But that doesn’t matter. There was no shiny reward or statuette to place on your mantel for Responsible Addict. I know this, but I still try to justify my actions. A relapse is a relapse no matter which way you look at it.

Kim tells me that she and Marc have made prior plans for the weekend and asks if I would be willing to go to Chicago to visit my girlfriend Julie. I had left her there months earlier so I could go into rehab. I am actually dying to see her so I happily accept. In Kim’s eyes this will give me time to sober up, but in actuality I already am sober, or at least I think I am. She doesn’t understand that I only had a few hits. I didn’t want more and wasn’t even thinking about getting more. But I can hear in her voice that she thinks I am craving and will do anything to get my hands on any drug that I can. This isn’t the case, but how or why would I try to explain this to her? She has no reason to believe me anyway.

She proceeds to tell me how important it is to her that Marc and I get a chance to live our dreams and that my visit to Chicago is just temporary for only a few days. I can’t be sure if she’s telling me the truth or not. Maybe she never wants me back. But I do care about what she thinks and for her well-being. I am certain that this fiasco has really pushed her to the brink, so of course I’ll go. I don’t want her to feel she has to be my babysitter this weekend. I want her to have a fun, relaxing time and that could only happen if she’s away from all of this drama. She needs to get away from me and try to forget about the destruction and mayhem that I just caused. So I accept her offer, humbly apologize one more time and head back upstairs. And in case you’re wondering, it’s harder than it sounds to do.

I see my brother on the stairs. He’s pissed and doesn’t trust me alone in the house anymore. I’ve never taken from that house, but I still can’t blame him. Today he has an appointment and wants me to tag along. This is his way of keeping an eye on me and getting me out of his house when no one else will be home. I have no choice in the matter so I go. I’ve lost rights, freedom, and the simple pleasures of being a grown up and not a kid. I pretty much have to do whatever anyone tells me to do at this point. Despite not wanting to be in the same car with him at the moment, I have to be willing to face the dread of this consequence. Doing so might just be the very thing that will ensure that I never, ever want to go through this again.

I sit in his car, waiting for the appointment to be over and wonder what’s on the agenda for the rest of the day. I watch healthy and productive, non-addicted people as they drive in, walk by and carry on. Sheer embarrassment and humility make it so I don’t really want to go back and see Kim again. I had a hard time showing my face to her this morning, but I will if I have to.

My brother approaches the vehicle, climbs in, and asks how I feel about going to Chicago right now.

“Are you nuts?” I say. “I need time to pack!” All my clothes are back at his place.

“Too bad”, he says. “Your flight leaves at 6:15 p.m.”

I plead for a chance. I plead to be allowed back into the house for the simple right to grab my jacket. “I don’t want to go to Chicago without a jacket in this cold,” I shout.

“Too bad,” he says. “Should have thought about that before you got high.”

“What about my dog? She’s at my apartment. I haven’t been there for a full day now and she’s got to eat!” I plead, hoping for any little shred of mercy.

“I’ll take care of her,” is all he gives me.

My blood is boiling and quickly heats to fury. It’s hard to know what’s the rawest spot. Was it not being given the chance to say goodbye to my dog, Doro, or being denied the most basic of liberties—being able to pack like a sane man and call my girlfriend so she could make arrangements for my arrival. But maybe what hurt and pissed me off the most was that my own twin brother couldn’t get rid of me fast enough.

I’m lost in all of this anger. I try to convince myself that it’ll work itself out and be all right again since it’s only going to be a few days. I have to tell myself that right now even when all I really want to do is cry. I do miss my girlfriend very much, but who wants to leave Malibu for the Windy City for goodness sake? But it’s my fault. It’s always my fault.

There are no other words shared between my brother and me as we approach the airport. He pulls in, veers to the curb and slams it into park. I reluctantly get out of the truck, get a quick and emotionless hug from my brother and walk zombie-like inside to check in.

The next thing I know I’m in Chicago. It’s late and I’m tired. I take a taxi from the airport to the house and as the taxi drops me off, Julie and her dog, Zena, welcome me. This makes me miss my Doro. Julie had already gotten the call ahead from my brother and I’m sure he didn’t say the nicest of things. She doesn’t say much to me. I know she is just as disappointed as everyone else and I’m just as embarrassed to be here as I was to be in California amidst all the drama that I caused.

Sometimes I think that those who surround addicts don’t realize that we do have a conscious and that our relapses are twice as taxing on us emotionally as they are on them. Not only do we have to deal with the let down that we caused them, but also the let down that we feel within ourselves. Please don’t mistake me and think that I’m attempting to minimize what we as addicts put the people who love us through. But by the same token they certainly shouldn’t think that they are the only ones feeling the pain of our deeds.

Julie undresses me and puts me into bed for the night, and before closing my eyes I offer her the contents of my wallet. I do this as a precautionary measure and as an act of good faith. I do have some cash on me right now and this is a smart but humbling move. I’m embarrassed, but even here, so many miles from sunny California, crack cocaine is just blocks away and that’s a chance I can’t take.

Three-feeling check in: sad, disappointed, and heartbroken.

A year-later reflection:

Stinkin’ Thinkin’:

• I state that I relapsed because I just wanted to get high but that’s not true. Using drugs is no longer for fun. I recall now that I had been feeling things that I didn’t want to feel. Feelings of worthlessness and the fear of not knowing what my future held for me were what I was running from. The only way I knew how to avoid dealing with these was by using drugs, which made things worse.

• It’s obvious that I’m trying to justify doing $60 worth of drugs during the previous night’s relapse. There shouldn’t be any justification. As I state, “a relapse is a relapse,” no matter what way you try to slice it. Own up to it.

• It may be true that immediately after a relapse your desires to get high are gone, but never under-estimate the power of your drug of choice while it’s still in your body. I may have said that I didn’t have any cravings, but what if I had keys to a car and a wad of cash? My guess is I would’ve bought drugs. Don’t kid yourself. You’re not as powerful as you think you are at this time of weakness. It’s important to take ALL the precautionary measures seriously, and that includes staying around as many sober people as you can, even though you may not want to.

• How dare I get mad about not being allowed to pack before being sent off to Chicago! I just relapsed and destroyed all the trust that I had re-earned for the 100th time! An addict after a relapse should hardly have any rights at all. A relapse should be as painful as can be, and I credit my brother and Kim for sticking to their guns and making it this way for me. It made me never want to go through it again! The ONLY person I should have been mad at is myself. The good news is I made it through this terrible time and you can too!

Sober Thinking:

• I had extreme feelings of remorse regarding my relapse. This is key to getting through your first 24 hours of sobriety. It’s a feeling you must try to remember for the rest of your life, and I use it often to keep me in-check and out of trouble. The moment you forget how bad this day was is the moment your relapse starts. I should know, I’ve forgotten every time except this time. That’s one of the reasons I’m sober today!

• Remember that others have a right to be angry and disappointed with you after a relapse. No one can help you decide to get and stay sober but our loved ones often think they can. I remember how awful I felt when my brother came in the room and can recall feeling his anger radiate through the entire bedroom. I had no choice but to suck it up. It is the same with Kim during this day. Notice how she felt responsible for my relapse. She wasn’t, I was. But this is what happens with friends and family members that surround any addict, and it’s important to be aware of this dynamic. It’s important for you and them to know that it’s not their fault!

• It’s also important to know and accept that those close to you may need a break! Remember, you have been a whirlwind of doom in their lives for a long time. They will come back as you stay sober. They always do and more often than not, closer than ever before. When Kim said she wanted me to go away to Chicago I knew it was important to go and give her space.

• I took responsibility for my relapse this time and that’s important. Take responsibly for your relapse and newfound sobriety. Never blame others for your fall. It’s time to start owning up and taking it seriously. Day 1 was a horrible day but I was fortunately aware enough to take responsibility for my actions and deal with the dread and humiliation and somehow persevered. A year later, I can tell you this made me stronger, although at the time I would have never seen this coming.

www.weareoneonline.org or visit my site at www.superstarsuperstar.com

Stay sober!

Staying busy to stay sober!

2010-01-21T10:28:00.000-08:00

All of us have to stay busy to stay sober

I once heard the expression “Idle hands are the devils workshop.” Boy is this true! Despite me having all this sobriety under my belt I still find it’s easy to “drift” when becoming bored. I can recall when first getting sober just how important staying productive was to staying clean and this apparently just never changes.

Now that things are slowing down for me and our CD “Serenity” is almost complete, and all my traveling is done, I find myself once again “bored”. As most addicts will tell you, we have a hard time sitting and staying still. Trying to relax is almost impossible for us. Our minds are constantly racing, especially mine! Currently, I run a non-profit called “We Are One”, promote our “Rock Star Super Star” brand, make all our videos, write all our verbiage, plan, strategize, and develop all our programs and initiatives and I am still bored! Being bored has always equated to stinking thinking and this time is no different. That’s why now I am having to get out there and look for a job! Its not that I need that cash flow, it’s that I need that stimulation. I’m an MCSE so I don’t believe I will have an issue finding work and for that I am grateful.

My point is this. If you have a child in recovery, get the out of their rooms and out and about with you. Not only will you be helping them stay sober just one more moment, you will also strengthen the bond that should exist between parent and child which studies have shown help kids stay sober. Thoughts? Email them to me at super@superstarsuperstar.com or visit me at www.superstarsuperstar.com

Super Star

P.S Enjoy the new video!

I made it because I chose to stay sober just one more day, and you can too!

How metal music helped me stay sober in 2009!

2010-01-02T15:20:00.000-08:00

How Metal Music helped me stay sober in 2009.

Ok, well maybe not exactly. Let me explain.

2009 started very rough. I was just coming out of my addiction. I was depressed. I was irritated, I hated you, I hated me. I was broke, again. It just wasn’t a very nice time for me. I was up against all the odds. However, the one thing I was not was lazy. I was determined to make 2009 the year I set things in motion for myself that would ultimately help my brother and I succeed in 2010. The first thing I needed to do to help me get through this difficult period was to think about what lay ahead of me if I choose to stay sober. All those things I knew that would be mine, if I stayed clean were possible if I did.

I didn’t have much support. In fact, I was surrounded by people who wanted to see me fail. Make no mistake, the ones that you think are supporting you, do not. Jealousy is brutal and real. Both my brother and I learned this the hard way. Hollywood is full of sharks and when you have nothing more to offer the leeches there, you are tossed away like yesterdays garbage. It’s a fact, when I walk around Beverly Hills like I have cash, then I’m gods gift. When I walk around in my gym clothes, no one but no one looks my way. It’s not as glamorous as the movies make it out to be. Rock Star can confirm when you don’t have a $56,000 bracelet on your wrist, you’re no one to anyone. Period.

I can count on less than ten fingers how many people believed in my brother and I in 2009 but I never EVER used this as an excuse to go out and use again. From the people we hired to support us in our endeavors to the ones closest to us, to this day want to see us fail miserably. I have the emails and have saved the voicemails to prove it. Most have laughed in our face and to our faces while using us all along. What they didn’t know is that we knew this. Every moment, we knew it. We used this to our advantage. Most think we and our ideas are the biggest jokes on the planet.Really? I didn’t know saving lives was a joke. But that’s all about to change in 2010.

In 2009 I, along with Rock Star have launched a non-profit to help kids stay sober. Developing all the programs and initiatives for this non-profit was no small task. We’ve successful written and composed a groundbreaking educational rock CD called “Serenity” to help combat the disease of addictions amongst our youth. Despite the naysayers, we were successful in recording this effort with all of our childhood heroes. This should be seen by many as a huge testament to the power of sobriety and the redemption that comes with. We have sat through the development of three different television programs that were based upon us, (all of which of course never saw the light of day once we refused to write the checks to the leeches). We have written a book, developed and prototyped a dog-training device that will rear its head in 2010, (I know, random isn’t it?), networked with actors and musicians of all types, changed our names, and strategically positioned ourselves to do something big in 2010. Everything we have done was done for a reason, in proper order, all of it, to get us to this position today. All this while taking verbal abuse and insults from almost everyone that looked in our general direction. By the way, all while staying sober, attending meetings, helping others, and paying it forward.

Why am I telling you this? Because as an addict, you need to know you have an uphill battle and while your climbing it, some people may try to push you down. However, every day you stay sober, you get stronger, and then that day comes when you are at the top. That is the ultimate high. With all this being said, I’ve probably received 200 emails of support in 2009 from people in 20 different countries. Who knows how many Rock Star received. After all, he’s the cooler half of the bunch and I thank each and everyone of you for them.

There have been a few musicians that have showed their support and have made it a point to do so. Zak Stevens (Savatage, Circle II Circle), is one of these musicians. I can call him as I please, vent, complain, and I know at the end of that phone call he doesn’t think anything less of me. He has my back and I have his. His songs on our forthcoming CD will change the way people look at him. He’s already a rock god vocalist to many, but after we release his songs to the world, will be sought after more than ever, just as he should have been all along. His passion for singing the way a singer should, all his training, will get the respect it deserves. He’s also going to be responsible for helping the world wake up about the disease of addiction and get the help they so desperately need. My brother and I are making sure he comes out of the gate strong and make no mistake about it, you’ll hear him soon in places you never thought you would. Thank you Zak for everything in 2009, 2010 is your year!

Another one is Chris Caffery, (TSO, Savatage). We didn’t just wake up, call Chris, and become friends with him one day. My brother and I worked at working with him just as we do everything else. From an angle. When people send in pictures to an audition, we send life-size cardboard cutouts of ourselves. (true story). For Chris, this relationship took years in the making to develop and we knew it would. We knew years ago that we wanted to work with him someday. The question back then was how to make this happen. I can thank Rock Star for his ingenious idea that helped this dream come true to fruition. Since then, Chris, Rock Star, and I have shared many days together and have developed a great bond with one of the worlds greatest guitarists. He will also be on our CD “Serenity” and I will tell you to expect nothing less than sheer greatness from his performances. In fact, we saved the three best tracks for him. Thank you Chris for everything thing in 2009, I am looking forward to 2010!

There are other supporters to mention. Stevie Rachelle from Tuff is one of them. Stevie calls it like it is. That’s why Metal Sludge is so successful. (www.metalsludge.tv). First hand, he saw how others treated my brother and I in 2009 and helped us see it the way it really was. He was just as disgusted as we were by the lack of disrespect to our story and effort and told us that its only a matter of time before we have our redemption. Thank you Stevie. Your track “Get out of my way” is a blistering punch in the face to those individuals and was the perfect choice to open our CD “Serenity”. Stevie, may 2010 be your best year.

Lorraine Lewis from Femme Fatale has been another guiding light to the Rock Star Super Star Project. Here is a woman that I can clearly recall having her face plastered in every corner of my room growing up and now she’s on my speed dial. I’m not boasting. I’m trying to convey the power of sobriety and the magnitude and importance of perseverance. The promises due exists, providing you stay clean to see them through. Lorraine sang on our track called “We Are One” and to see her in the studio rock out in real life was something I will cherish every day for the rest of my existence. Thank you Lorraine, I’ll always have a poster of you somewhere.

My brother and I wrote a tune for Doro Pesch called “Such a Bitch”, which is now “Mistress Insidious.” However soon after doing so found out she was unavailable. Doro has always been someone I’ve wanted to work with and finding out that I couldn’t, at least for now, was disheartening. After all, here was this track that we thought only she could do justice. We really thought it was going to be a throw it away. Then I walked into a record store one day and from the music overhead heard the voice that changed everything. The name of the band Benedictum. The name of the vocalist, Veronica Freeman. Veronica has more guts than almost any male singer out there does and this track will no doubt have to be released as a single. Everytime I hear it I laugh because there is hardly a male around that could be more metal than Veronica. What most don’t know however is just how sweet of angle she is at heart. She is always there to take my calls and as every addict needs, is always there to offer me up sound advice of how to get through my most treacherous moments. She accepts me as who I am when most only do an about face.

There are others to mention that have participated on our CD “Serenity.”. George Lynch from Dokken played a screaming solo and took the time to design our CD cover. Cheri Curry (Runaways) nailed her performance on “Rockin Angel”, Bruce Kulick (Kiss) lit up our “Do it for you” track. Carlos Cavazo (Quiet Riot) blazed through “One day at a time”. Howard Leese (Heart), David Schultz, (Goo Goo Dolls), and Jon Olivia, (Savatage), all played a part in helping Rock Star and I create the amazing and first ever educational Rock CD about addiction. However, it’s these four mentioned prior that have had the most impact on me both personally and professionally and that have helped me to want to stay sober.

I do want to continue to be as over enthusiastic about my hopes and dreams tomorrow as I am today. I do want to continue to be considered a pain in the ass to everyone that surrounds me for my continued quest for perfection. 2010 I will be just as ridiculed and insulted as I was in 2009 by those who simply just can’t keep up with my ideas or passion for making this life the best I can for myself and for those that surround me. As someone just said recently, “You’re like a kid on Christmas everyday.” That person was right, I am. I am because everyday, every moment while sober is a gift, and to all the addicts reading this blog, your dreams can be used as a tool to stay sober and as long as you’re clean, your dreams can too become reality.

Best advice I can give from the get go? Lose the resentments from the prior year. Resentments often times will lead to a relapse. Dump them and never carry them again. Its easier then you think when you practice doing so.

Up the horns addicts, here’s to 2010!

-Super Star
www.rockstarsuperstarproject.com

Kids at a rock concert...

2009-12-27T14:58:00.001-08:00

Thanks to the generosity of Mr. Chris Caffery, the guitarist for TSO, I was able to bring along a lucky few to share the experience of this concert with me, sober.. Set up with tickets and passes, my dutie was to spread the cheer of sobriety to as many young concertgoers as I could and I did just that. Thanks Caffery….

Rock concerts are full of people drinking and smoking things that are inappropriate. This sucks because the kids that are watching these adults only see them as having a good time, at that concert. That’s because for the most part, kids only see the moment they are in. They aren’t forward thinkers and are not able to see the consequences that are set in motion for some of these individuals. They aren’t thinking about the drunk who’s about the leave the arena, get in his car, and kill a family of four because he was behind the wheel drunk. Nor are they aware of those who are not in control of their drink or drug and are about to go elsewhere to get a fix, (just one more right?), and later die of a drug overdose.

Kids should go to concerts. After all, I was at my first Kiss concert by the age of 10. But I was lucky. My father and stepmother, whom had taken Rock Star and I, were in control at all times and if they caught my stare at something inappropriate, you better be sure we would have talked about it and they would have tried to explain it right then and there, despite how loud the music was. At that age, I was still innocent and not yet aware of what I was later to succumb to but that’s not the case for many. Think I am kidding. Here is a link to an article about a 7 year old that is now swearing off the booze. http://celebrifi.com/gossip/7yearold-binge-drinker-vows-to-stay-sober-1005380.html

If it is a concert, a playground, or a trip to the grocery store, try your best to always be observant to your surroundings. If your son or daughter looks like they are pondering or curious about drinking or drugs, for whatever the reason, talk to them right then and there. Share in that “moment” with them because if you do it later, it might be too late

Super Star
www.superstarsuperstar.com

Success and Sobriety

2009-12-09T13:12:00.000-08:00

Success and Sobriety

I don’t know. The more I get involved with this subject of sobriety on a daily basis, the more I see that there needs to be change in the movement and teachings of sobriety. Or at least more alternatives concerning support for us addicts and the means of convincing us as to the importance of staying sober. (Yes, when we are deep in our addiction, we sometimes cannot even see this). And with this, I mean not just for the child, but for the adult addict as well.

I have been so busy lately with work (We Are One, www.weareoneonlin.org) and through that work have developed some very cool new ways to “think” about why someone should stay sober. By this I mean, the thoughts that could be applied as a tool to convincing an addict to finally staying sober…

Looking back on my own personal struggle has led me to find the answer to this issue. This answer can be summed up into one word. “Success.”

In hindsight, it has been this reason alone that has convinced me to stay sober myself. To be successful or to want to become successful in my own right was of enough motivation for me to want to stay sober or at least try it!!! I wonder how many people have used this successfully to find their own success in sobriety. If you have, let me know. I’d love to hear your story.

Super Star
www.superstarsuperstar.com

Concerned about my sister's boyfriend's son. Please help.

2009-11-16T11:48:00.000-08:00

Question: He's 19, and has a drug problem. He's been in rehab. He was clean for four months and is using again. Any recommendations?

One of many possible answers:

Dear “Concerned”

Having to deal with the consequences that are associated with ones actions when out getting high I know are one of the things that can assist in guiding someone towards the road to recovery. This is one of the things I hear most from kids that have helped set them straight, oh and by the way, helped me get straight as well. If your sisters BF can make the consequences unbearable, and embarrassingly so, without them being demoralizing, then more often times then not, kids will try to step up in an effort to shed this association. The last thing they want is to be seen as a "loser" to their friends and peers. They often only care about how their friends view them anyway. So use this to your advantage.

Again, it has to be done in a way that isn’t demoralizing. I can't stress this enough. Tricky I know. You certainly don’t him to build any resentments as this is often used by so many addicts as a reason to go back out and get high. So make sure he does not use and angry or hostile approach. Instead, have him try using one that maintains his boundaries as a dad, expresses his love and concern, and offers his son a glimpse of hope to what the future brings if he maintains a path of sobriety. It's great to show kids that staying sober can be associated with their own future success so if your boyfriends sister can start having him make this connection as opposed to the one that’s traditionally used, a negative one, then I think his son may be more apt to make the change now.

Please keep me posted to your sister’s boyfriend’s sons’ progress! Remember, there is no fail proof answer for this, if this does not work, will have to keep trying.

Have a question? Email us at info@weareoneonline.org.

Super Star
www.weareoneonline.org

What do drugs look like mommy?

2009-10-30T13:18:00.000-07:00

What do drugs look like mommy?

If you feel this can help someone, please pass it on!

I’ve got a good story. A five year-old son heard his mommy on the phone the other day talking about a meeting. The meeting in question was an AA meeting. He said, "ANOTHER meeeeeeeeting mommy?" “Yup”, said the mommy. She then, just as many times before, reminded him about drugs. She then says “I go so mommy don't get sick again.” And the son was fine with this.

Then he asked, "What do drugs look like mommy?"

She said, "Some look like regular medicine. Some look like cigarettes. Some look like candy. Some look like food. So don't ever take anything, even if it looks yummy, from someone you don't know and trust."

Perfect answer MOMMY!!!!

Super Star
Crusader for Sobriety
www.weareoneonline.org

Lead by example

2009-10-21T21:25:00.000-07:00

Man have I been busy! UGH! Some BIG BIG things are about to happen and it’s had me side tracked for a few days preparing for all that is to come. But never in my life have I ever been more involved and compelled to help in anyway I can to make a difference in someone’s recovery.

I was in a local shopping center this morning and someone approached me and asked me a question. The question, “Besides peer pressure, what would you say is another contributing factor to a child’s desire to experiment with drugs/alcohol?

Well there are tons of reasons that contribute to someone’s desire to use drugs. Of course most of the time, they are used a as coping mechanism. I would say this is the most common reason for a child, or even an adult to pick up. However, kids often times pick up bad habits from watching the very same people that are telling them “not to”. Their own parents

Your addictive behavior puts your child at risk. In fact, parental behavior is the top influence on a child's later behavior. The link between parental addictive behavior and risk to their children of developing addictive behaviors is well established. Rather than telling your child to “do as I say, not as I do,” which is ineffective, practice moderation in your own life. You will increase the chances that your child will do the same.

So lead by example. Be watchful of your own behaviors. Even the most subtle of them are instilling the ideas in your kids minds, if your doing it, then they can too.

Until next time

Super Star
www.weareoneonline.org

Parent Denial

2009-10-07T12:15:00.000-07:00

Being a parent in denial is a major factor in the drug abuse epidemic that is happening with our children. Just two years ago, the National Institute of Drug Abuse reported that half of all high school seniors in America have experimented with illegal drugs, and about three-quarters of them have tried alcohol.

What is “denial?”.

Denial is an unconscious defense mechanism characterized by the refusal to acknowledge painful realities, thoughts, or feelings. I’m sure parents whom have already faced evidence staring them right in the face know first hand how easy it can be to reject the truth staring right back at them.
But denial can be deadly.

If you’re suspicious that your child might be using, look into the situation. There is nothing to lose and only our children’s lives and futures to gain.

Making Sobriety Cool
www.superstarsuperstar.com

Are you mad because no one told you about drug use in the home?

2009-10-06T16:31:00.000-07:00

Should you be mad at your kids if they knew and didn’t tell you?

I talked to woman the other day who told me all that all her siblings knew that of one of her sons was experimenting with drugs. Because of this she felt violated and was angry because she had been “left in the dark.”.

She didn’t like it when I told her to “Get over it.”.

I wasn’t mean when I said it. Just direct, and quick to change the direction of the conversation, slightly. After telling her to “get over it”, I pointed out to her that it was an opportunity for change. And a very positive one at that. To get a sense of her situation I asked her how she had found out of the drug use, to which her reply was “I overheard my daughter talking about it on the cell with another friend.” I could tell she was upset. She felt her kids didn’t trust her. I told her it was either that or they were just afraid of her. But there could be a couple other reasons, to which I will get to in a bit. What I wanted to let her know was at that moment, not one but two opportunities revealed themselves and that she should be grateful they did. The alternative could be much worse. The first thing that was revealed was being made aware as to the drug use itself and to seek appropriate help. Thank god this happened. Two being, its time to position yourself once again as the “go to” person regarding any type of concern within your family. After all, this is the way it should be. You’re the Mom for goodness sakes. Your kids should feel that they can approach you with anything, especially things like this.

I know kids often feel like that don’t want to rat on their brothers or sisters. What’s also important to understand and actually appreciate is that kids don’t like to let their parents down. Alternatively, depending on what’s going on at home, most often than not, they don’t want to add anymore friction or drama to the already stressed family dynamic. If this is why they didn’t tell you, its their way of “protecting” you.

But no matter what they case be, they need to feel like you can be approached and the only way to get this through to them is to become approachable. Sounds logical doesn’t it? Sometimes its not so easy. This has to first start by you telling them that you are. An example: “Hey guys, I am your mom, (or dad), and I’m here if you need to tell me something. I promise not to raise my voice or get angry and if its something that you feel should be talked about here at home I promise to listen.” Tell them that no matter what, and let me be clear about this, you “will not ground them” IF what they are telling you is something that they feel could be dangerous to them or their brother or sister. There are to be no consequences for telling the truth in this instance so as long as its in advance of a possible "situation." In other words, don't punish them for trying to warn you to something. If its after the fact, then punishment is of course acceptable and all normal rules appy.You should not be feared when it comes to talking about drugs in the home. In fact, I think the best approach is for you to be the know all. Give your kids a reason why they should talk to you about this issue. Some more incentive other than just being a mom or dad is all they might need. Position yourself as the expert in this situation. Do your research so you can give kids healthy answers if they come to you regarding drugs and reward them of they do.

I’m not a parent which is why I think I am put in a very good position to write these blogs FOR parents. I am in a situation where I am detached from parenting instincts and can convey reality without my heart getting in the way in an attempt to see things through rose covered glasses.

So be the person that you wish was in front of you when you were your kids age. Cool?

Super Star

Check out my foundation at www.weareoneonline.org and see how I’m helping kids stay sober.

What do to when you FIRST have the assumption your child might be “using” drugs

2009-10-01T14:38:00.000-07:00

Please follow me on http://twitter.com/sobersuperstar to show your support for my 300-mile “Bike ride for Sobriety” challenge coming up on Oct 6th! Also, please pass this on to any parent you think this might help!

What do to when you FIRST have the assumption your child might be “using” drugs

Confront them. If you are suspicious, ask them. Also, keep in mind that their answer may be a straight up lie to get you off their back. You are the parent; you have natural instincts to your child. If your gut tells you something’s “off” or “wrong”, that because it is. However, when confronting him/her, don’t do it in a way that conveys anger. Instead, take the opposite approach. Anger makes kids close up faster than a clam. Love however makes everyone feel comfortable. Even if they chose not to admit it.

The best time to try to get an answer is right away. Don’t wait around. Addiction can happen fast, so the sooner you beat it to its potentially deadly grasp, the better. As soon as you can, sit them down, and ask in a means that is not threatening. You need to assert your-self as the person with the experience, not the person with the whip. You want to steer them in the right direction, not steer them away from you. So just come out an ask. “Hey, I want to talk to you about something that I have a feeing might be going on and if I’m wrong, lets talk about it anyway.” If you start off with this sentence its not threatening. It shows that you care and are aware, plus its one they can’t weasel away from because it allows for the continued conversation after they deny it, which they most often will. Stay ahead of them, because these kids are SMART!

If your child admits they are experimenting then you are ahead of the pact. That’s when its time to hold their hand through getting any help that they need, depending of course on where they are at with their use. However, no matter how far along they are with their “experimentation”, you need to get them in front of people and programs that can show them what can happen when choosing that lifestyle vs. a heather one. That’s why I think getting them in front of people they admire or programs they can get involved in are always the best bet.

If your child denies it, as most will, you need to start gathering evidence without being, to put it frankly, a jerk about it. You don’t want them to become more rebellious at this point nor have them start trying to hide their use harder. Instead, watch them; are they being respectful to your curfew? (All kids should have a curfew). Are they having mood swings? Are they missing school? Also, don’t be afraid to watch their friends behavior, In addition to this, (and I know Ill get some flack for this) but don’t be afraid to check their pockets as your doing their laundry, or check their room while they are out to school. Kids do need you to respect their privacy but they also need you to help guide them towards a bright and healthy future. So follow your gut when walking this fine line and always do so from a distance. You don’t want to ever push your kids away from you or have them think you don’t trust them, which by the way, if they continuously use this this line against you, chances are something is up.

If you do build of a “case” as to their “use” and one that is a solid one then you need to get them help immediately. Take them to a local program within your area. Get them to a young AA or NA meeting. Alert your school counselor; reach out to the so many various agencies that are local to your area that are there to help you. But always show your son and daughter love and respect during this process. It’s as hard on them as it is you. Both of you take a deep breathe and don’t stop until your son/daughter is sober.

Super Star
www.superstarsuperstar.com
www.weareoneonline.org

(Sponser: www.realcollegetour.com)

Should you hide the truth about your son/daughters addiction?

2009-09-23T14:20:00.001-07:00

Should you hide the truth about your son/daughters addiction?

This is one I face everyday. In fact, from people that you would least expect. This sometimes makes life difficult for me. Thank goodness I am strong in my recovery, but if I were not, I could imagine how I would use something as simple as this as an excuse to go back out and “use”. I’m also not embarrassed by my past. When I was, I was hiding, and guess where? So now I embrace it and I help others do as well. But let’s get into another issue.

Your kids

Adults are different. We have the wherewithal to look ahead and to plan our approach to this subject matter strategically and in a bit less of an abstract manner than our children do. Parents are there to make the decisions that will (hopefully) make a positive impact on the rest of their lives. This includes knowing not telling all your friends and neighbors about your child in addiction.

This is a touchy subject. The last thing we should be doing is enabling our kids. A perfect example of enabling them is not bringing this subject into light. However, it should only go so far. As a parent, think about whom you are talking to. You should talk outloud about this subject within the confines of your home and amongst family but don’t make it a habit to run around telling all your all your acquaintances. We all know how fast rumors and false stories start to spread. If you let the world know about your child’s drinking issue, you know it’s only a matter of time before the story morphs into him/her having an extreme heroin addiction. Also, take into consideration his future intentions with college or employers. Even though unfortunate, these future relationships may never kindle. That’s sad considering those in recovery are most often than not, highly intelligent with above average IQ’s.

So don’t go “blabbing it around town.”

Especially out of spite to your child’s behavior and addiction. This will only make this worse and cause a rift between you and your child. They will lose trust in you an ultimately develop resentment towards you, which may lead to more “use”. Instead, choose whom you tell carefully. If you do it to vent and feel better then that’s ok. If you do it to help you formulate opinions, that is ok too! Just be aware to your reasoning when discussing this with friends and family, if its for the right reason, then no harm no foul.

Its important to talk to people about this subject as you also need to heal and mend, just be careful with whom you are talking too.

Super Star
Crusader for Sobriety
www.weareoneonline.org

Whitney Houston, the icon that she is, is in denial!

2009-09-16T20:24:00.000-07:00

Ok Crusaders, I would LOVE some feedback for a change on this one. Let me know what you think or if I helped in anyway or if you think I am just plain nuts! Send an email to super@superstarsuperstar.com

Ok, I was going to blog about steroids this evening and how I think they directly relate to substance abuse issues at our nations school but I just received an email from a parent asking what I thought of Oprah’s interview with Whitney Houston, so the steroid conversation will have to wait. And that’s probably for the best as the use of steroids in our schools hits a nerve with me like you wouldn’t believe.

Ok, first and foremost, to all the men out there that are reading this. I don’t sit and watch Oprah ever night. I think she is brilliant but my participation with her show pretty much stops there. However, when I heard Whitney Houston was going to be on to talk about her drug addiction, I made sure to clear my schedule and tune in. After all, kids will be tuning in as well and they will be listening and paying closer attention that you might think.

Let’s get another thing out of the way, I don’t own a single Whitney Houston CD ok guys, So save the emails. Nevertheless, if you don’t think she’s an icon, your need to have your brain checked. There is no one in this universe, nor even a parallel universe that can deny that voice. Its spectacular and she is indeed a living icon. However, she’s also an addict, just like me.

Let me get right to it and explain why I didn’t care for the interview. Immediately I was drawn to her and her story. Its so great to see that she is alive and breathing, unlike her friend Michael Jackson who died because he was couldn’t get the help he needed to escape his addiction to drugs. Whitney came clean about her use of marijuana right away and with this, I thought we were set for a truthful interview, but soon it would become obvious that I was wrong. Why? Because, I’m here to tell you, in no way was she telling the truth about her use of crack cocaine. As other blogs and news articles suggest, her claims of smoking them in tandum, was in my opinion, a blatant act of denial. We have all seen the pictures of the glass pipe on her bathroom counter. How could she of forgotten about this? Any why would Oprah not bring this up? On Whitney’s behalf, this was such an addict move and is called the act of minimization. The act of minimization is something that we addicts do all the time to make something that we did appear look smaller or more minute to the observer. This way we feel like less of an ass, and ultimately point the finger towards something or someone else. For example, Whitney’s effort of declaring “Bobby” her true drug was her effort of placing the blame for her use elsewhere. Yes, legitimately, we can perceive the closest individuals in our lives as a drug. For normal people this is to be considered to be more of an infatuation, however to us addicts, we can take something such as you looking in our general direction as a sign of “love.” It’s bizarre and scary for those on the outside watching in but no need to run, we just crave more attention than most and until you understand and grasp what the symptoms of addiction are about, you will always have this problem. No worries, this type of thinking can be fixed.

Anyway, I do not want to get crazy into the rest of the interview but I was fascinated by this story. Here is a woman who has enormous amounts of wealth. She can afford the BEST doctors and therapists, but yet, can’t get past what some of the homeless people living under the bridges of Chicago cant get past. That old darn issue of denial. When tackling your addiction, be real, the first step to overcoming it is to own up to it. Denial can kill you. Admit you have a problem in its entirety. Stop blaming where you work, or whom you hang with, or things you have seen that you claim make you want to use. Once you do that fully and 100%, the denial is gone.

The problem with this interview is that there will be some kids who will emulate this behavior. Kids who will think now that because Whitney did it, they too can minimize and not fully own up to their use. Please take note of what I pointed out during this blog regarding Whitney’s interview. If you even sense your kids aren’t “owning up” then you can stay one step ahead of them, stop them in their tracks, and help them face the reality of the situation by telling showing them where you know they are wrong.

Super Star Crusader for Sobriety
www.weareoneonline.org

Get real, drugs are at our schools and are easy to get.

2009-09-13T12:00:00.000-07:00

If you like what you read here, please visit the We Are One Foundations website at www.weareoneonline.org to see how you could help me help others stay sober.

Drugs at school.

I read a report that in the year 2006, “more than 60 percent of teens were aware of drugs being sold, used, or kept at their school.” Knowing what I do now, I am not surprised at this. However, when I was in high school, I had no clue that drugs were so readily available. My point? Do not be naive. Drugs are at all our schools and are there for the taking. What are you going to do to help your son or daughter make the right decision?

It starts at home.

Right off the bat I can think of a couple things. One being to establish a clear family position on drugs. It's okay to say, "We don't allow any drug use and children in this family are not allowed to drink alcohol. The only time that you can take any drugs is when the doctor or Mom or Dad gives you medicine when you're sick. Tell them why you made this rule and don’t be afraid to “get” real about it. Tell them that you love them very much and don’t want to see them get sick because that’s what drugs will do to them. Also, don’t be afraid to tell them that drugs can kill. They need to be afraid of them. I wish I was. I also wish my friend John who died last month from an overdose were . Unfortunately, it’s too late for him but it’s never too late for you to warn your kids about the seriousness of drugs. Ask them if they have questions and talk to them as often as you can about this, because when you’re not talking to them, rest assured someone else is.

In addition, be a good example

Children will do what you do much more readily than what you say. So try not to reach for a beer the minute you come home after a tough day; it sends the message that drinking is the best way to unwind. Offer dinner guests non-alcoholic drinks in addition to wine and spirits. Moreover, take care not to pop pills, even over-the-counter remedies, indiscriminately. Your behavior needs to reflect your beliefs. Kids are very intuitive and so so much smarter than we adults often give them credit for. Always know that they are watching and emulating their heroes, believe it or not, its you.

I know it must be tough being a parent and having to try to protect your kids from the dangers that surround them day in and day out. We’d like to think that the schools that we send them to were some sort of safe houses for them but they are increasingly becoming more dangerous than ever before. That’s why its important to stay on top of this subject at home and in the schools themselves.

If you would like to have Super Star and Rock Star at your children’s school to talk to them about drugs then check out our programs via our website at www.weareoneonline.org.

Super Star
www.suprstarsuperstar.com

Think cigarettes can’t lead your child to drugs? Think again.

2009-09-11T16:05:00.000-07:00

Think cigarettes can’t lead your child to drugs? Think again. If your son or daughter has just been busted smoking at school or by you, then after you get your yelling out of the way, sit them down and talk about it. Why bother? Here is a perfect example and it comes from my not so nice past.

I can recall looking for a way out from my emotions early on. It’s what us addicts do as we have a fear of actually dealing and working through our problems. Most of the time it’s because we were never given the proper tools and/or developed the self-confidence to even bother trying. For the most part, we think that numbing our feelings will make them go away. That is until we are in our full-blown addiction and the consequences of our use starts to rear its ugly head. Why do I bring this up? Its because the cigarettes are what I first used as an escape mechanism. There was a deeper reason to my smoking them other than just the obvious one, to look cool.

At the age of 12ish or so, I can recall not feeling so good about who I was. The kids at school didn’t seem to like my brother nor I to the level that I had hoped. Being picked last in gym class did hurt. Seeing the girl’s chase the more popular did hurt. Going home to an empty house all the time, sucked. I needed to get away. This led to my discovery of the cigarette.
I didn’t smoke all that often because I didn’t want others to know that I was doing such a disgusting act. I would hide in the woods behind the shed and puff away until I caught enough of a buzz to feel like I was flying away from all the issues that at the time seemed so unconquerable. Eventually my smoking led to my drinking, and so on and so on.

I see kids that are the same age everyday walking down the street smoking and being less discrete about this action and I sometimes wonder. Do their parents know? Does the child know the path he/she is on could be fatal? What are they running from?

One thing is for sure, if your child is smoking, don’t fall for the standard excuse that its just for show. That is bull. There is always a deeper meaning and reasoning behind this action. They are running from something and it’s your responsibility as a parent to get to the bottom of the issue and try to help them face their emotions successfully. I wish to god someone did this for me when I was younger, it would have saved me from the devastating 18 years of drug addiction that all first stemmed from smoking that first cigarette.

Super Star
www.weareoneonline.org

Pre-order the CD “Serenity” from the We Are One store today located at www.weareonestore.com. All proceeds go towards helping us continue to raise awareness to the dreaded disease of addiction within our communities.

Working out with your kids during recovery.

2009-09-08T10:47:00.000-07:00

(Please subscibe to my blog if you like what you read and vist my website at www.superstarsuperstar.com!)

Working out with your kids during recovery.

Um yeah! No brainier. For your kids or for yourself. This is something that I find as a must. Now do not get any pre-misconceptions. When I say “working out”, THAT does not necessarily mean you have to be tied into a gym. Working out can be so many different things. Hiking, biking, walking, bowling, walking the dogs. Anything that involves even the slightest bit of strenuous activity is considered to be working out. I however prefer the gym! Let me tell you why it’s so important especially while early in recovery.

At its most basic level, working out makes you feel amazing! It makes you looks amazing and it makes your thinking a little less stinkin. No, really! While in rehab, we were shuttled to the gym five days a week. There is something so magical and powerful about having healthy endorphins, that drugs could never provide, rush through your body as you strengthen and sculpt your muscles. The fact that the treatment center was pro health and provided every opportunity for us to heal and thrive only proved to me that someone somewhere must have done some sort of study proving its benefits.

Working out was something I had started to do while in my second week of recovery and I have no doubt in my mind that it has been a cinder block in my success. It has cleared my mind from cravings on numerous occasions and has built up my self-confidence to a level that even my brother is envious of.

To really drive home the point to the importance of working out and getting in shape, I am going to be riding a bike starting Oct 6th from Los Angeles to Las Vegas. Its going to be brutal but so was my effort of getting sober, so what? Im going to do it despite almost 100% of people telling me I wont have a chance in hell at crossing the finish line. When you believe in yourself you can do whatever the heck you want in this world providing you are healthy enough to attempt it

So if you or your child is in recovery from substance abuse, get them outside or to the gym. Because they are recovering addicts, in no time they will get excited about the changes they are seeing and let their enthusiasm take them to the next day, sober.

Super Star
www.weareoneonline.org

Sleeping too much after rehab?

2009-09-03T19:05:00.000-07:00

I was at the gym today here in Chicagoland and was approached by a mother whose son just came back from rehab. I do not know how she “knew” who I was, most here do not yet, but she did, and obviously felt comfortable with approaching me. Her concern was her son’s apparent desire to do nothing more than sleep since returning home.

It is not at all uncommon for people to sleep after they have gone through rehab and are now facing life sober. He is sober and this is quite an exhaustive accomplishment for someone early in recovery. This accomplishment is so much more important than anything else right now, so if he is sleeping for the first couple days after returning, leave him/her be. It is important to note however that this sleeping pattern should not continue past the first few days. I have found that keeping busy and structure are THE most important things to maintaining ones sobriety, so after a couple days, get him up and on his feet. Get him/her outside, take them shopping with you, or anything else you can think of to keep them busy. I know its demanding at times, but its certainly better than the alternative. Besides, this extra time is wonderful for creating an even stringer bond between you and your child. And who knows, you might actually end up liking their music after all!

Realize it your son/daughter who is responsible for his recovery, however, not responsible for having the disease. Don’t be mad at him. It will only frustrate the both of you and this they may use as an excuse go relapse. Try to put your frustration back on the disease. Parents are not prepared to deal with diseases such as addiction to don’t take this out on yourself either. Just do the best you can do, get educated, and be there for your child, they, just as you, can do this!

Super Star
www.weareoneonline.org

Why you should read into DJ AM's Death.

2009-09-01T18:34:00.000-07:00

I am just so sad to read about this guys death. I never knew him, never heard a note of his music but understood his story. It’s tragic. 4 years clean and with one relapse, he’s gone. It’s a shame.

Apparently he didn't look like he was struggling. But this is a crazy disease. With people in the spot light it's about looking good, alot of people have to look good in the entertainment business. It's about ... having a smile on your face, and telling everyone you're okay, but if you're not being real and honest, this is how you end up. And let me tell you, it’s the same in our schools. Lets not forget what it was like for us in school. All of us (at least we felt this way) had the spot lights on us at all times. All our friends and peers were watching us and talking to their friends about us. There is no doubt the teachers were doing the same thing.

If you think your child has successfully beaten down his/her addiction and its never to be seen again, your naive. Our addiction is always around the corner and its getting stronger by the minute. The trick is to never let it meet us again. Unfortunately, for DJ AM, the encounter led to his death. The lesson here: Keep the lines of communication open and stay on top of the subject at home. Bring it up often and check in with your child’s recovery. Call it a progress report and get regular updates. Our disease can reengage with us at any second if we aren’t paying attention. Don’t worry about being called a pain in the ass by your child or worry if they seem annoyed with having to provide you with regular updates on their well-being. They will come to understand later in life that you did the right thing and might also have saved their life.

Read more about what I do at www.superstarsuperstar.com or www.weareoneonline.org

Super Star

Keep your kids busy!

2009-08-31T10:36:00.000-07:00

What better way to start today off than by helping a kid stop using BEFORE he hits rock bottom. My morning wake-up call today was from a mom of a child I had worked with almost a year ago. She was calling to thank me. Thank me for introducing her child to the wonderful word of what I call “preoccupation.” Preoccupation is what I stress the most. Staying busy with something your child enjoys will each and everytime have nothing less than a positive affect on your child’s desire to get and stay clean. I introduce most kids I work with to the wonderful world of music by introducing them to a musical instrument. This keeps them so busy and motivates them to do some amazing things. Many have gone on to start bands themselves, thus keeping them busy and sober.

Whether it is the gym, band class, sports, or something else, get your kids interested in something they enjoy early on. If they are busy with constructive and fun things that they find comforting, then they are less apt to let their minds wander to drugs.

Super Star

www.superstarsuperstar.com
www.weareoneonline.org

Tolerance and withdrawal from drugs

2009-08-29T17:31:00.000-07:00

Tolerance and withdrawal from drugs, do the research!

Did you know that most abused drugs are not only mentally addictive but physically addictive as well? Over time, tolerance is built up to almost all drug use. More and more of the drug is needed to achieve the desired effect.It happened very quickly for me with crack and I know this happens to everyone else as well. As the body physically adjusts to the abusers drug of choice, trying to cut down or stop is unpleasant or even painful. This is most common with Heroin, Barbiturates (Benzos), and Alcohol. These withdrawal symptoms, depending on the drug, can include shakes, chills, severe aches and pains, difficulty sleeping, agitation, depression, and even hallucinations or psychosis. Many addicts would rather continue to use than have to face the pain and uncomfortableness of withdraw. Avoiding this withdrawal adds to the urgency of keeping up drug abuse and increases the dependence on the drug. Its important to know what the risks are associated with your drug as you go through withdrawals. For example, there are two drugs that can cause death during withdrawal. These are alcohol and benzos. The abusers of these two drugs should seek treatment while trying to break their dependence from them. All others are extremely unpleasant but can be dealt with outside a medical facility.

Any attempt to go through “withdrawal” yourself or for your child should involve proper research. Get the facts beforehand, this will make the attempt more successful and might save your child’s life.

Super Star
www.weareoneonline.com

The alcoholic parents effects on our children

2009-08-26T16:24:00.000-07:00

It has always been obvious to me that addiction runs in the family. Some call that an excuse and purely stupid. However, you can’t ignore the facts. Alcoholism and other drug addiction do tend to run in families. Children of addicted parents are more at risk for alcoholism and other drug abuse than are other children. Here are some of those facts

• Children of addicted parents are the highest risk group of children to become alcohol and drug abusers due to both genetic and family environment factors.

• Biological children of alcohol dependent parents who have been adopted continue to have an increased risk (2-9 fold) of developing alcoholism.

• Recent studies suggest a strong genetic component, particularly for early onset of alcoholism in males. Sons of alcoholic fathers are at fourfold risk compared with the male offspring of non-alcoholic fathers.

• Use of substances by parents and their adolescent children is strongly correlated; generally, if parents take drugs, sooner or later their children will also.4 Adolescents who use drugs are more likely to have one or more parents who also use drugs.

• The influence of parental attitudes on a child's drug taking behaviors may be as important as actual drug abuse by the parents. An adolescent who perceives that a parent is permissive about the use of drugs is more likely to use drugs.

Get help for yourself or someone you know. Please

Super Star
www.superstarsuperstar.com

Understanding the three categories of substance abuse

2009-08-22T10:27:00.000-07:00

As far as I am concerned, there are three categories of substance abuse. It might help for me to give you a once over of the each of them. Of course, all of them are bad with Dependence being the worst so it is important to recognize the differences. Doing so will help you decipher your plan of attack in regards to seeking the proper help.

A. Use: The occasional use of alcohol or other drugs without developing tolerance or withdrawal symptoms when not in use.

B. Abuse: The continued use of alcohol or other drugs even while knowing that the continued use is creating problems socially, physically, or psychologically.

C. Dependence: At least three of the following factors must be present:a. Substance is taken in larger amounts or over longer periods of time than the person intended.b. A persistent desire with unsuccessful efforts to control the use.c. Large periods of time spent obtaining, taking, or recovering from, the substance.d. Frequent periods of intoxication or detoxification especially when social and major role obligations are expected (school, social situations, etc.)e. Continued use even while knowing that the continued use is creating problems socially, physically, and/or psychologically.f. Increased toleranceg. Withdrawal symptomsh. Substance taken to relieve withdrawal symptoms.

Remember, doing your homework and educating yourself about this disease is the best plan of attack. You have to work both the offense and the defense to succeed.
Super Starhttp://www.superstarsuperstar.com/
http://www.weareoneonline.com/

Some quick statistics on the drug use amongst our youth

2009-08-21T15:33:00.000-07:00

I read some interesting static’s today. They are astounding to me.

For example, did you know that every day, approximately 4,700 American youth under the age of 18 try marijuana for the first time? Since I intend to get my butt over to some schools this year let me put this into the “schools theme’s” perceptive. That is about equal to the enrollment of six average-sized U.S. high schools. Crazy huh?

In 2003, nearly nine out of 10 twelfth graders reported marijuana as being easily accessible. I don’t recall it being so easy to get when I was younger, but then again, I wasn’t looking for it while in high school. However, I can recall hearing that it was there if I wanted it.

Here’s another on for you. By the time students finish the eighth grade, approximately 50 percent of them have had at least one drink, with more than 20 percent of them having been “drunk.” Scary to know that becoming drunk for me the first time did actually happen while I was in the 8th grade and I can recall it opening many doors for my addiction

Drug and alcohol use by teens increases the risk of addiction and can change the developing brain for life. Despite these statistics, one thing remains true:

Our parents are the most important influence in a teen’s decisions about drug use. You can and do make a difference. If you suspect or know that your child using drugs, take action now, because the longer you wait, the harder it will be to deal with your child’s drug use and in some circumstances, it may be too late.

Super Star
http://www.superstarsuperstar.com/
http://www.weareoneonline.com/

It is important to distinguish between chemical use, chemical abuse and chemical dependency early on.

2009-08-20T09:40:00.001-07:00

Chemical use is the broad category that includes everything from an occasional beer to total debilitating addiction. All users are not abusers, nor are all abusers addicts. Every person reacts differently when presented with a particular drug. Some people will experience side effects that range from mild to deadly.

Chemical abuse refers to a pattern in which using chemical leads to serious harmful consequences. Approximately 70% of all alcoholics start drinking while they are in high school. Alcoholism is the only completely preventable disease, meaning if you don't drink alcohol, you will not become an alcoholic. Its as simple as that.

Not all abusers are physically dependent or addicted to alcohol or drugs. This makes it difficult to diagnose true dependency among teenage abusers. Not only is it more difficult to diagnose addiction in this group, it is also much harder to treat the condition successfully. The influence of a teen's peers can also introduce problems when seeking treatment. Don’t be afraid to step up and talk to the parents of the per that you think might be a bad influence on your child.

One of the most effective predictors of trouble is the quality of communication between parent and teenager. When adolescents feel utterly misunderstood, when they have no sense of trust or security in their family, they are at risk for abusing chemicals. Anyone who abuses drugs or alcohol runs the risk of becoming addicted. If you see signs of abuse, use this opportunity to strengthen the bond of communication with your son or daughter. Be patient, but don't be naïve. Adolescents who are heavily involved with drugs and alcohol usually lie about it, at least initially. Don't be put off by reassuring words if you continue to see signs that disturb you. Don't let your teen's statements lead you to believe their actions aren't risky.

Being a parent of a child on drugs is not easy. There is nothing easy about it. However, its part of the responsibility of bring a child into this world isn’t it? I urge you, please do not abandon your child or think that the issue is just a fad and will simply go away. It may not. I have talked with parents who no longer have their child because of overdoses and terrible accidents. The number one most common statement from them is “I wish I had done more to help them”. Don’t let this happen to you. Step up at all costs!

Warning signs that your child may have a substance abuse problem.

2009-08-17T17:39:00.000-07:00

For parents to get an understanding of how quick the tables can turn for their child let me explain how fast my addiction took me over.

My addiction hit me quick. Within a week of receiving my first hit of crack, I had sold all my possessions. There was not much time in between it going from fun to full-blown addiction. At the most, maybe 20 seconds. For most addicts, drinking and drugging starts off as recreational but as we all find, soon becomes a necessity. (Or so we think). Using alcohol or drugs regularly is usually just a step away from addiction — where you depend on these substances to feel good or get through your day.

Here are a few warning signs that your child may have a substance abuse problem:

1. relying on drugs or alcohol to have fun, forget problems, or relax
2. having blackouts
3. drinking or using drugs while alone
4. withdrawing or keeping secrets from friends or family
l5. osing interest in school activities that used to be important
6. performing differently in school (such as grades dropping and frequent absences)
7. building an increased tolerance to alcohol or drugs — gradually needing more and more of the 8. substance to get the same feeling
9. lying, stealing, or selling stuff to get money for drugs or alcohol

Its harder for our children to realize they might have a problem because they are less awre of what real consequences and what the true addiction signs may be. This is when the family needs to step in. Quitting is hard to do, and many people find they cannot do it without help. Don’t let them deal with their problem alone.

Super Star
www.superstarsuperstar.com

If your child is an addict....

2009-08-16T16:32:00.000-07:00

I ran into someone at a meeting today and had a disaagrentment with her regarding her thoughts about how she was “helping” her child through addiction. From what she described, this help seemed almost non-existent. She thought that ignoring the issue was her way of not enabling the situation and just as her mom did to her while she was young, it was for her daughter to find our later as an adult that drug use is a “bad thing”. That is a quote. Disgusting isn’t it? The rest of the details of the conversation don’t matter. However, let me tell you what does.

One of the best reasons to get a help for teens while they are still teenagers, beyond being a very formidable time in a child’s life, is the consequences of inaction upon future generations. Statistics have shown that instances of teen drug addiction run in long chains from parents to children. This is why now is the time to either break the chain of teen drug addiction or stop it from forming. No amount of hard work, money, sacrifice is worth more than breaking a chain of substance abuse or preventing one from forming.

Break that chain now!

Are You An Enabler to your child?

2009-08-15T10:38:00.000-07:00

When parents are affected by their own child's denial of alcohol or drug abuse, they often act in ways that protect the addict from experiencing the full consequences of his or her behaviors. This type of protective behavior, although often motivated by love and concern, is referred to as enabling, because it permits the child to continue drinking and allows the disease to progress, the symptoms to intensify and the consequences to become worse for all concerned. Like denial, enabling is another one of the symptoms of addictions—a symptom displayed by others, not by the addict child.

Yes, you read that right. It is a well-recognized aspect of the disease and it can come from you. Pay very close attention to this. If you are an enabler, you have to find the strength within yourself to stop. There are many organizations setup that can help you.

Special groups, like Nar-Anon, Al-Anon and Al-Ateen, have been established to help people concerned about the addicts in their lives to understand them and to help them, largely by gaining the strength to stop enabling. Overcoming denial and enabling is often the first step into treatment for the drug or alcohol abuser. Check out my links page on www.superstarsuperstar.com to find one of these meetings closest to you and get to one if you find that you might be an enabler.

It’s going to be had to stop but like my song says, “You can do it!”

Watch list for Parents

2009-08-14T15:51:00.000-07:00

I've created a watch list for parents. So many more things can be added but these are some good telling signs that there might be an issue on your hands.....

Watch List for Parents

1. Changes in friends
2. Negative changes in schoolwork, missing school, or declining grades
3. Increased secrecy about possessions or activities
4. Use of incense, room deodorant, or perfume to hide smoke or chemical odors
5. Subtle changes in conversations with friends, e.g. more secretive, using “coded” language
6. Change in clothing choices: new fascination with clothes that highlight drug use
7. Increase in borrowing money
8. Evidence of drug paraphernalia such as pipes, rolling papers, etc.
9. Evidence of use of inhalant products (such as hairspray, nail polish, correction fluid, common 10. household products); Rags and paper bags are sometimes used as accessories
11. Bottles of eye drops, which may be used to mask bloodshot eyes or dilated pupils
12. New use of mouthwash or breath mints to cover up the smell of alcohol
13. Missing prescription drugs—especially narcotics and mood stabilizers

Keep an eye out to any of these things, sit them down, and TALK with them, even if what you suspect turns out to be wrong. Your kids will gain a lot more respect for you if you do not shy away from this issue.