Are you mad because no one told you about drug use in the home?

Should you be mad at your kids if they knew and didn’t tell you?

I talked to woman the other day who told me all that all her siblings knew that of one of her sons was experimenting with drugs. Because of this she felt violated and was angry because she had been “left in the dark.”.

She didn’t like it when I told her to “Get over it.”.

I wasn’t mean when I said it. Just direct, and quick to change the direction of the conversation, slightly. After telling her to “get over it”, I pointed out to her that it was an opportunity for change. And a very positive one at that. To get a sense of her situation I asked her how she had found out of the drug use, to which her reply was “I overheard my daughter talking about it on the cell with another friend.” I could tell she was upset. She felt her kids didn’t trust her. I told her it was either that or they were just afraid of her. But there could be a couple other reasons, to which I will get to in a bit. What I wanted to let her know was at that moment, not one but two opportunities revealed themselves and that she should be grateful they did. The alternative could be much worse. The first thing that was revealed was being made aware as to the drug use itself and to seek appropriate help. Thank god this happened. Two being, its time to position yourself once again as the “go to” person regarding any type of concern within your family. After all, this is the way it should be. You’re the Mom for goodness sakes. Your kids should feel that they can approach you with anything, especially things like this.

I know kids often feel like that don’t want to rat on their brothers or sisters. What’s also important to understand and actually appreciate is that kids don’t like to let their parents down. Alternatively, depending on what’s going on at home, most often than not, they don’t want to add anymore friction or drama to the already stressed family dynamic. If this is why they didn’t tell you, its their way of “protecting” you.

But no matter what they case be, they need to feel like you can be approached and the only way to get this through to them is to become approachable. Sounds logical doesn’t it? Sometimes its not so easy. This has to first start by you telling them that you are. An example: “Hey guys, I am your mom, (or dad), and I’m here if you need to tell me something. I promise not to raise my voice or get angry and if its something that you feel should be talked about here at home I promise to listen.” Tell them that no matter what, and let me be clear about this, you “will not ground them” IF what they are telling you is something that they feel could be dangerous to them or their brother or sister. There are to be no consequences for telling the truth in this instance so as long as its in advance of a possible "situation." In other words, don't punish them for trying to warn you to something. If its after the fact, then punishment is of course acceptable and all normal rules appy.You should not be feared when it comes to talking about drugs in the home. In fact, I think the best approach is for you to be the know all. Give your kids a reason why they should talk to you about this issue. Some more incentive other than just being a mom or dad is all they might need. Position yourself as the expert in this situation. Do your research so you can give kids healthy answers if they come to you regarding drugs and reward them of they do.

I’m not a parent which is why I think I am put in a very good position to write these blogs FOR parents. I am in a situation where I am detached from parenting instincts and can convey reality without my heart getting in the way in an attempt to see things through rose covered glasses.

So be the person that you wish was in front of you when you were your kids age. Cool?

Super Star

Check out my foundation at www.weareoneonline.org and see how I’m helping kids stay sober.