Please follow me on http://twitter.com/sobersuperstar to show your support for my 300-mile “Bike ride for Sobriety” challenge coming up on Oct 6th! Also, please pass this on to any parent you think this might help!
What do to when you FIRST have the assumption your child might be “using” drugs
Confront them. If you are suspicious, ask them. Also, keep in mind that their answer may be a straight up lie to get you off their back. You are the parent; you have natural instincts to your child. If your gut tells you something’s “off” or “wrong”, that because it is. However, when confronting him/her, don’t do it in a way that conveys anger. Instead, take the opposite approach. Anger makes kids close up faster than a clam. Love however makes everyone feel comfortable. Even if they chose not to admit it.
The best time to try to get an answer is right away. Don’t wait around. Addiction can happen fast, so the sooner you beat it to its potentially deadly grasp, the better. As soon as you can, sit them down, and ask in a means that is not threatening. You need to assert your-self as the person with the experience, not the person with the whip. You want to steer them in the right direction, not steer them away from you. So just come out an ask. “Hey, I want to talk to you about something that I have a feeing might be going on and if I’m wrong, lets talk about it anyway.” If you start off with this sentence its not threatening. It shows that you care and are aware, plus its one they can’t weasel away from because it allows for the continued conversation after they deny it, which they most often will. Stay ahead of them, because these kids are SMART!
If your child admits they are experimenting then you are ahead of the pact. That’s when its time to hold their hand through getting any help that they need, depending of course on where they are at with their use. However, no matter how far along they are with their “experimentation”, you need to get them in front of people and programs that can show them what can happen when choosing that lifestyle vs. a heather one. That’s why I think getting them in front of people they admire or programs they can get involved in are always the best bet.
If your child denies it, as most will, you need to start gathering evidence without being, to put it frankly, a jerk about it. You don’t want them to become more rebellious at this point nor have them start trying to hide their use harder. Instead, watch them; are they being respectful to your curfew? (All kids should have a curfew). Are they having mood swings? Are they missing school? Also, don’t be afraid to watch their friends behavior, In addition to this, (and I know Ill get some flack for this) but don’t be afraid to check their pockets as your doing their laundry, or check their room while they are out to school. Kids do need you to respect their privacy but they also need you to help guide them towards a bright and healthy future. So follow your gut when walking this fine line and always do so from a distance. You don’t want to ever push your kids away from you or have them think you don’t trust them, which by the way, if they continuously use this this line against you, chances are something is up.
If you do build of a “case” as to their “use” and one that is a solid one then you need to get them help immediately. Take them to a local program within your area. Get them to a young AA or NA meeting. Alert your school counselor; reach out to the so many various agencies that are local to your area that are there to help you. But always show your son and daughter love and respect during this process. It’s as hard on them as it is you. Both of you take a deep breathe and don’t stop until your son/daughter is sober.
Super Star
www.superstarsuperstar.com
www.weareoneonline.org
(Sponser: www.realcollegetour.com)
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